You're So Much Like Me. I'm Sorry

This post is a ramble about gender neutral parenting, my sons' personalities, and how I see me in them.  Not just Slim's hair or Curly's dimple, but in their walk and their talk.  Occasionally, when they wake in the morning, I sing a warbled, out of tune, modified, rise and shine version of Ben Folds' Still Fighting It:  "Good morning son.  I am your mom.  Wearing hospital pants for pjs.  You want a hug?  Maybe a kiss?  How about some pancakes for breakfast?  It's okay.  We're gonna have a great day.  I just can't wait!"  In the real version, there's a recurring line in the song, "And you're so much like me.  I'm sorry."  I love my children, flaws and all, but I sure wish that some of the flaws they have weren't inherited from me thanks to nature and nurture.  It's scary knowing how potentially harmful my influential traits might be.  Thankfully, they're not all me.  They're them.

Curly is physical and charming and one step away from disaster that he almost always manages to avert. I joke that he's smart enough to figure out how to get out of a situation he got himself into nine times out of ten, but it's the tenth time you have to watch out for! Thankfully, as his mother, who spends day in/day out with him, I am immune to his irrepressible, dimpled grin that defies discipline. This boy could likely be described as a mama's boy because he loves snuggling with me or winds up hiding behind my metaphorical skirts when he feels timid. However, he might just turn that hug into a wrestling move if you're not careful. I couldn't help but shake my head in embarrassment and resigned mirth as he tackled his brother to the ground. On the floor of the grocery store. While I was paying. He lives joyfully and he wants you to too.

Slim is intelligent and analytical in a way that outwits me and R - and I don't think we're at all dumb (even if motherhood has killed more brain cells than I'd care to admit.)  The kid is BIG TIME into dinosaurs .  He revels in the mud and dirt and sand, drawing pictures with his fingers in the transient medium, looking for creepy crawlies, often with a magnifying glass in hand.  He gravitates towards people in such a sincere, friendly way that I can't pull off.  Since we've moved,  Slim insists on introducing himself to everyone. And his spiel is, "Hi, I'm Slim. I'm a four year old. But on my next birthday, which is mumble mumble, not sharing his birth date here, mumble mumble, I'll be a five year old. We just moved here from Florida. Did you just move here too?" To ev-er-y-one!  I love how personable he is, but it is hard having an extroverted child when I'm so not.

And Slim's favorite color is pink.

And I've seen them both breastfeeding dolls.  Slim was convinced that he could make chocolate milk come out of his nipples when I was nursing Curly.

And Curly probably cleans better than I do.  I call him my little Danny Tanner because he is so adept at picking up.

Yeah, my son has a pink (and blue) butterfly on his face. But so what?  I didn’t encourage his face painting choice, but I didn't discourage it either.  In doing so, I showed Slim I honor him.  I showed Curly I honored him by asking if he wanted his face painted too and not forcing him when he shook his head vehemently.

When I talk to them about love and marriage and family, I frame it in gender neutral terms (except son.  Unless that changes one day in the future, right now, they are my sons.)  I tell them that I hope, one day, they find a partner who loves them and respects them.  That it's best to start a family with that kind of person.  Because who doesn't want that for their child?  A partner in life.  I don't care if that's a man or a woman or if Slim or Curly realize that they are transgender.  I. don't. care.  I want my kids to know that I love and support them and if I can set up that framework of love and support now, so that if they were to come out, they would feel safe to do so with me, all the better.

When we walk around Target or Toys R Us, I gently correct them when they say, "That's the girl toy aisle."  "You know guys, there's no such thing as toys that are just for girls or just for boys.  Boys can play with dolls and girls can play with cars."  People?  My sister is the reason that our younger brothers had a huge Matchbox car collection.  My brothers also played with our castoff Barbies.  After cutting off their hair and stripping them naked. 

When I was pregnant, we got Slim an older brother present of a toy stroller and baby carrier.  Because guess what?  Dads are nurturing too.  When Curly watches me put on makeup and asks for some, I indulge him by swiping my brush blush on his cheeks.  I'll admit, I say things like, "Not all men wear makeup" or "Other boys may not like a pink car for a gift", not to dampen their spirits, but to give them a little taste of the outside world from a trusted source.

I think they're going to be okay.  They're going to get hurt; not just physically, but emotionally.  They'll look back on childhood fondly (I hope), despite some bad memories.  There will be things people don't like about them.  But none of us are unscathed by Life.  And who they are?  As I described them to you today?  I reiterate - I think they're going to be okay.

Tabula Rasa at Rosh Hashanah

Dear Me,

Once upon a time, a high school English teacher discussed the theory of Tabula Rasa and ever since, it's resonated with you (and, hey, it was even the name of an episode of your beloved Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)  While it's not the philosphical concept, but rather the accepted translation of the phrase, know it's an amazing gift you've received today: a clean slate!

Make it a good and sweet year/life.  So many new things and second chances have opened up for you recently.  Now it's time for you to live boldly!

Love,
Super excited but will kick your heinie if you squander this opportunity

(Nearly) Wordless Wednesday

I implore you: take care of your family photos.  Also?  Label them with date, location and the names of people in them.  Future generations of your family will greatly appreciate your efforts!

Root Candles

BzzAgent is a word-of-mouth marketing firm and they "love helping awesome people try awesome products and share their awesome opinions about them."  They've launched a new feature called The Daily Bzz, in which you prove you deserve a spot in an upcoming campaign by doing something, well, awesome!  Today's Daily Bzz is one I'd love to be in on: Root Candles

"Since 1869, Root Candles of Medina, Ohio, has been an industry-leading, family-owned company renowned for innovative ideas, aesthetic enhancements and the highest standards of quality. Now in its fifth generation, the Root family continues to extol the virtues of honesty, integrity, and diligent craftsmanship. These qualities were exemplified by Root Candles founding father and American original, Amos Ives Root.
His tradition of excellence, along with a genuine commitment to customer satisfaction and service, defines and fuels Root’s strong brand loyalty today. Root Candles devotion to purity, honesty and quality is renowned. Each Root candle is carefully handcrafted using processes mastered through five generations of craftsmanship combined with the latest in manufacturing technologies. The results are pure and simple: Root Candles are highly regarded for complex bouquets of subtle fragrances and sophisticated color palettes, important factors for discerning candle lovers.

Today, Root Candles can confidently lay claim to making 'The Best Candles in America, Made in America Since 1869.' " - Root Candles History

I'm jonesing for the Root Candles campaign because for a little while I lived in Medina, Ohio, where Root Candles are made. Their flagship store and factory outlet are spectacular! In fact, if you received a present from me in 2008, odds are it came from either the flagship store or factory outlet.  I take great pride in whatever town I've been able to call home, even if it is only temporarily, and the town and people of Medina are still held fondly in my heart.  While I can find Root products in area stores, it's not quite the same.  Earning a spot would be like a little piece of my old home delivered right to my door. I have yet to attain a Daily Bzz campaign, so my fingers are crossed for this one!

Amos Ives (A.I.) Root, the founder of Root Candles, left an indelible print on Earth.  The Medina City School District's mascot is the Battling Bees, in honor of A.I. Root's affinity for bee keeping and subsequent moniker in fifteen languages, "the bee man."  Were we still living there when the boys reached middle school age, they would have walked to a school named after him.  The company continues to promote the science of bee keeping via Bee Culture.  Given concerns like colony collapse disorder, such a resource is incredibly important.  I was surprised to learn that A.I. Root influenced people from the history books, like Helen Keller and the Wright Brothers.  As quoted above, starting with the company's founding father, Root Candles is still a family-owned and operated American business, in its fifth generation!

As one can see straight from their What's New page, Bzz Agent and Root Candles go hand in hand: "We love our Social Media Busy Bees, and we show that love by letting you know about new innovations first!"

What makes your current or previous town special?  Are there any products you associate with the place you call or called home?

Love

A short little post dedicated to a warm weather phenomenon.  Given that the temperatures in my part of the world have dropped from the 100s and 90s to the 70s and 60s this September, I don't imagine we'll be seeing him again until next year.

I'm talking about the ice cream man.

When we last heard the tell-tale melody announcing his arrival, the boys sprung up and out the door.  Slim did an amusing little dance on our lawn; he wanted to be sure he caught the driver's attention!

I remember when my Dad and I chased down the ice cream man for several blocks when I was around Slim's age.  Did we get into the car?  I'm not certain, but even 20-odd years later, a warm, fuzzy, loving feeling surrounds that particular memory.  One thing my parents taught me is that life is better when you have a good time - and bring others along for the ride!
The memories enhance this experience with my own children.

Getting an ice cream sandwich for the last time this season was the simplest of things.  But sometimes it feels good to show love simply.

School on the Steps

Since Slim is not currently enrolled in preschool, I've started doing some structured schooling at home.  Yet, I'm reticent to call it homeschooling.  I've even named my favorites folder School at "Home (but not homeschool)"  I'm not anti-homeschool.  And before I sound like a stupid bigot and spout, "I have friends who homeschool", I'll just stop there.  Except I didn't.  I said it anyway, didn't I?  Well, I'm genuinely not anti-homeschool and if pressed, couldn't answer why I'm reluctant to say I'm doing a homeschool preschool for the boys.  It's all in the semantics.  Ask R - I'm big on semantics. 

I have a school area set up at the bottom of the stairs in our finished basement.  Thanks to where we're doing the learning, I've titled our school at home homeschool school at home oh, just get over it already and figure out what the hangup is school, School on the Steps

I'm trying to have movement, literacy, science, and math.  Our first lessons were about the letter A

- We sang the ABCs
- Talked about the sound the letter A makes
- What animals start with the letter A?  Slim immediately shouted, "Ape"  Other A animals he came up with were, ants, antelope, alligator
- What foods start with the letter A?  apple
- What family member has a name that starts with the letter A?  Auntie A
- What transportation starts with A?  Airplane
- Drew the letter A with sidewalk chalk on our back patio
- Wrote some words and had Slim identify and circle the letter A
- Made an alligator craft with clothes pins, green glitter paint and googly eyes and then sang about teasing monkeys and sneaky alligators
- Brain Quest tracing writing A
- Manipulated our fingers and stretched our bodies into the shape of the letter A





I've made a felt board and am eager to incorporate that into our lessons.  I'm taking a lot of ideas from Slim's old Montessori preschool and the handy dandy internet.

Here's some of the sites I imagine I'll be resourcing most:

- Montessori for Everyone free downloads

- The Artful Parent

- Counting Coconuts

- Preschool Alphabet

- Midwest Homeschoolers Kansas City area field trip ideas

- 1+1+1=1 ... Tot Trays

- home is wherever I'm with you

Make new friends, but keep the old ...



As you know, we recently moved out of state and I miss my friends terribly!  Thankfully, the Midwest is proving to be wonderful - I truly love it here, but as I said in a text to a treasured Florida friend, "I miss ... friends.  We're in that blah stage where we've met people, but no real friends yet." I am desperately seeking interaction for me and the boys, adult conversation, friendship.




The push pedal tractors were a huge hit with the boys!

It is SO hard to move to a new area where I don't know ANYONE and it takes a great deal of courage for this self-described homebody to venture out and meet other moms, attempt to have a conversation that goes beyond small talk, approach an existent circle of friends in a moms' group.  But I do it.  For my sons, I do it.  And for me too.


I didn't like who I was in Florida that much.  Most of our time there, I was rather depressed.  I relish the opportunity for a fresh start, to be a new me, the real me.


I have a method of making new friends down pat at this point.  Googling local mommy groups, Meetup, Big Tent, volunteer work, PTA/PTOs, Gymboree Play & Music classes are all great resources for meeting people.  In fact, my treasured Florida friend and I met at Gymboree.  Well, actually, we met after dropping our older ones off at a Gymboree sports class, walking our younger ones down the shopping center to a little consignment shop, then (I promise I wasn't stalking you J!) heading in to a coffee shop, where we ended up talking and were blown away by our similarities.  Our sons are both around the same age.  We were both new to the area.  Her family is Jewish, as are my husband and sons.  We enjoy running and working out, although neither of us is in the shape that we currently wish to be in.  In short, she is awesome and it's a situation that I don't know if I'll ever replicate.  But I'll try.


Barns and gardens galore

I've been making sure that I've been proactive in forging relationships out here.  I invited a mom whose company I enjoyed to a gem of an attraction in our town called Deanna Rose Childrens Farmstead earlier this week.  I'm having difficulty uploading pictures of the fun time we had there, but I've included a couple pictures straight from the web site.  Another mom asked us to lunch after a Music with Mar class.  As we drove there in our separate minivans, her daughter asked, "Mom, where's my boyfriends?"  :)  Apparently, she'd never said such a thing.  Supercute.

Here's a challenge for you: the next time you are somewhere other moms congregate (the park, a museum, your child's school), start a conversation with a mom you don't know.  If you hit it off, whip out your phone and add their phone number and email to your contacts.  Be like me, if you're the forgetful type, and add their kiddos' names and a description of where you were when you met them to the notes.  Are you part of a MOMS Club or other playgroup?  Give them that information!  Be welcoming. Be kind.  A simple hello may turn into a lifelong friendship.  I love you J - thank you for teaching me so much about friendship!  And for introducing me to K - I want to be 60-something years old and still doing girls' weekends!



An old-fashioned General Store