There is no Us and Them. There is only we.

Can you remember when your innocence was shattered?  I don't know if I do, because, for most people, I think it happens piecemeal as you advance towards adulthood.  But there are moments in life, like September 11, 2001, that may not shatter innocence, but rip away false notions of what the world is like as swiftly and shockingly as pulling off a band-aid.

When I was in middle school and high school, my family lived in a townhouse.  I hated it there; I missed my old home.  I called it, "The Townhouse", perhaps so that qualifier in its name would signify that it was less of a house, that it wasn't my home.  I may have been determined to loath the place, but I cannot deny the memories built there.  One such memory came when I was in the downstairs family room, alone, watching TV.  I happened upon a documentary about the Civil Rights Movement.  Of course, I knew about it.  Every Black History Month, it was a part of the curriculum.  The text of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr's "I Have a Dream" speech was printed on a poster displayed near the circle time area in my Kindergarten or first grade class, I can't recall which.  So, yes I had learned about the Civil Right Movement, taught facts about inequality and Rosa Parks and peaceful protest by many teachers over the years.  But their lessons never captured my attention or emotions the way this documentary did.  That's the thing about facts - they have the tendency to be cold and hard and yet somehow, not feel real.  Sometimes it takes pictures and video and hearing individual experiences to "get it."

Charles Moore's "They Fight a Fire That Won't Go Out" appeared in Life

Watching the water hoses turned on protesters ( the water pressure strong enough to "peel bark off a tree or separate bricks from mortar") horrified me.  The victims were protesters, innocent bystanders, children ... our fellow human beings for God's sake!  It took being witness, about forty years later, to understand how Americans were capable of relegating people to Other, second-class status.  It wasn't just to an intangible them or in other parts of the world that this happened.  I don't know why I was surprised, but I know that I was naive deluded to think that those things didn't happen here.  See: slavery, the Trail of Tears, Japanese internment ...  America, while beautiful, isn't perfect.  The United States and her people and government are not separate from Tank Man in Tiananmen Square or the Egyptian protesters earlier this year, nor so far removed from the perpetrators of the Holocaust or the Khmer Rouge regime.  All humans have the capacity to want the world to change and be a better place and to commit evil.  There is no Us and Them. There is only we.

Similar to my epiphany, Kathryn Stockett's The Help, set during the Civil Rights era and evoking reprehensible acts of racism, has opened others' eyes to injustice.  The novel has been a runaway hit, popular with book clubs and given readers, especially those who haven't experienced that time in our nation's history firsthand, "access to a more personal, intimate look inside race relations than could ever be gleaned from most history texts." I adore historical fiction.  From the books I gobbled up as a girl, like Number the Stars, The Devil's Arithmetic, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, The Sign of the Beaver, and oh! how I could go on and on, to what I'm reading now, The Historian, historical fiction comprised/s a significant chunk of my reading history.  Today's Daily Bzz, is The Help.  It has been on my "to read" list, but frequently checked out at the local library.  Regardless of whether BzzAgent selects me to spread word of mouth about the book, I will eventually read it to fulfill Gran's legacy.

Have you read or seen The Help?  What do you think about the divisive book and movie?  I'd also love if you shared the events that eroded your innocence.

Chronicles of a Nursing Mama

I am more than just a mother.  I am more than just a former breastfeeding mother.  I soak books up like a sponge and will read anything I can get my hands on: trashy crime novels, classic literature, even the junk ads stuffed in my mailbox.  I try to encourage my family in healthier eating and fitness habits after having spent a lifetime battling an unhealthy relationship with food.  I started running in 2010 and fell in love with it; I've run in several races and anticipate (once I figure out which area half marathon I'm going to register for) several more.  I enjoy camping and travel, although I don’t get to do either as often as I’d like.  My favorite place in the entire world is a family friend’s home and multiple acre property in New Hampshire.  I left the workforce to become a stay at home mom, and still question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?”

I am a mother.  I have two wacky and amazing sons.  Slim is nearly five! (oh my God, how and when did that happen?) years old and Curly is two.  Slim is so funny - intentionally and accidentally, he has an admirable sense of empathy, and is incredibly strong-willed.  Curly is adventurous, bordering just this side of reckless at times, is loud like his mommy, and gives some of the greatest hugs in the world.  My greatest goal is to raise two intelligent, happy, well adjusted, and contributing members of society.  A favorite quote of mine is, “If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much.” – Jackie Kennedy

I was a breastfeeding mother.  6/13/08 and 5/29/11 are memorable, bittersweet dates for me, as they mark when each boy weaned.  I love this stage of momhood, but I sure miss nursing.  Breastfeeding defined me not only as a mother, but as a woman.  From the time I developed breasts, I have been large chested, which has caused both wardrobe hassles and physical pain.  When I was seventeen, I had the opportunity to have a breast reduction.  During the consultation with the surgeon, I asked how the procedure would impact my future ability to breastfeed.  Looking back, I don’t recall a time when I had decisively concluded that nursing my babies was important to me, but when the doctor explained that a breast reduction might interfere with milk production, I immediately knew I’d decline the surgery.  That was my defining moment as a nursing mom, nine years before Slim was born.  Breastfeeding is a big part of who I am; it transformed me into the mother that I have become.   How?  Nursing hugely influenced my parental philosophy, helped me appreciate my breasts for the first time ever, changed my perspective on life and love, introduced me to like-minded mothers, and allowed me to simply be in the moment, enjoying the oxytocin fueled awesome serenity in a life that was not always calm.

I want to be good at not letting motherhood define me as a person, but I am glad that I can define myself as a mother who chose to breastfeed and allowed it to change my life. 

There are two pieces of advice I offer my friends and family when they become parents.  One: only you know what is best for your family.   Ultimately what matters is that you love your kids.  Two: find a support group of some sort.  I want to be part of an organization that helps support moms, new and seasoned, when it comes to helping them when they choose to breastfeed.  One of my life’s most rewarding ventures was volunteering with a crisis hotline in college; helping others in their time of need was incredibly fulfilling. I want to be a La Leche League Leader to encourage and assist mothers in reaching their breastfeeding goals, whatever those might be. 

I was a La Leche League Leader applicant until life started falling down around us this Spring.  Now that we've settled into our new world and we're no longer (please, please, please don't me be tempting fate in saying this) victims of Murphy's Law, I'm eager to resume that path again.  The problem is I don't know how!  I'm no longer a nursing mom and despite an unexpected resurgence of baby fever about a week ago on my part, we are done having kids.  So how do I integrate myself into the local breastfeeding community?  Here's to hoping I get it figured out. 

In the land of make-believe

An apron makes a fantastic cape

I love watching the boys play pretend.  As a dear friend was kind enough to say about them, "we love Slim's and Curly's beautiful, unique and creative spirits."

Before we moved, Slim would hold a white piece of printer paper over his toy animals.  His narrative went like this:
"It's snowing!"  Seeing as though snow was how we sold him on the move, I wasn't surprised to see him incorporate the white stuff into his play.
Pointing to the animals under the paper, "this is Kansas City"
Indicating the floor, "out here it's Florida"

Curly is getting in on the fun too.  Lately he has enjoyed pretending he's one of the family members, be they of the fur or human persuasion.  Typically, the conversation involves his new sentence structures with the word because.  ("Curly, please put on your shoes/use an inside voice/stop kissing the cat ..."
An emphatic, "No"
"Why not?"
"Because no." 
Or, my favorite, "Curly, do you love Daddy?"
An emphatic, "Yes"
"Why?"
"Because because." :D) 
Just this morning, we were discussing names.  The boys have a long name, a nickname that they go by, familial nicknames like Slim and Curly, and a Hebrew name.  So I asked Curly if he was his long name.  I assumed he answered no because he was accustomed to going by his nickname and doesn't always associate himself with his long name.  But kids are always surprising you. "Because I Mommy and you Curly!" he replied with an impish grin.  We proceeded to pretend that I was indeed Curly and he got quite a kick out of my imitation of him.

When other children are using their imaginations simultaneously, it doesn't always go the way they want or I expect.  Earlier this week, we visited the Kansas City Zoo.  While there, we made a pit stop at the playground on site.  A little girl, who was around Slim's age, was as exuberant and outgoing as my guys and quickly engaged them both.  Although they had an overall fun time, the conflict came from each wanting to play a different way.  The girl wanted to pretend that the boys were the bad guys with guns and she was going to save the day and put them in jail.  Slim's imagination rarely puts him in the role of villain and despite having a pirate's and knight's foam sword, seldom does he make believe with weapons.  Instead of her scenario, Slim wanted to pretend they were acorns growing into tall, strong trees.  Admitedly different and not as fun, given that trees have the propensity to be rooted in one spot, not move around like active children.  Curly simply channeled Big Bird's temporary adoptive siblings, Donny and Marie Dodo, in that he only wanted to pretend to be himself.

I'll admit, part of the reason I'm a fan of imaginative play is because it's stimulating for me too.  I enjoy playing pretend with them just as much as I do sitting back and observing quietly.  Plus, the land of make-believe builds important skills necessary in adulthood, like confidence, problem solving, creative thinking, and healthy self-expression.  R and I are making a point to ensure their holiday gifts include some dress up clothes and other things that facilitate play for hours without structure or instructions.  This versatile cape is one of the items we've been eyeing.

What was your favorite thing to play pretend as a child?  And what has your child made believe recently?

Gran's Legacy

Gran loved (her) babies!

My grandmother was and is my hero.

She died nine years ago today, September 7, 2002 and I miss her.  But I've decided to make sure that I honor my memory of her. 

You might ask yourself how could a woman with no famous outstanding achievments or feats of skill and courage be a hero?  Yet she is; she was a champion of reading.  As Fred Rogers remarked, "Anyone who does anything to help a child is a hero to me." Gran's my hero because she instilled in me a love of books and to honor her, I've been reigniting that passion.

Gran was a very dedicated woman who loved her family.  Her love was evident in her giving nature and all she did.  She always wanted to be helpful (in many ways because she couldn't keep still!) and was incredibly generous with her time.  My sister became deathly ill in her first year and spent a fair amount of time in the hospital recuperating.  During this period, my grandmother took me in so that my Mom could devote her time to my sister.  Unfortunately, there was a wave of chicken pox going around and I had to be kept virtually quarantined so that no illnesses could be passed on to my immunocompromised sibling via my Mom in the snippets of togetherness we had when she wasn't at the hospital.  The only time Gran and I left the house was to go to the local library, where we would check out ten books at a time.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Cuddling up with a good book as a favored pastime was a natural progression from cuddling up with one of my favorite people as she read me stories.

In the last several years, I went from being an avid reader who would devour every word available, from the back of a cereal box to a classic novel, to being lucky to leaf through a magazine at the doctor's office.  Thanks to marrying a man who prefers watching tv to fall asleep and two young boys who keep me so busy that I seldom had time to myself, reading fell by the wayside.  However, in the last two months I've read four books!  I think I can officially call myself a reader again.

BzzAgent, a product testing network I've mentioned before, has launched a new feature called The Daily Bzz, in which you prove you deserve a spot in an upcoming campaign by doing something cool.  They are opening a campaign for the Kindle 3.  "The Kindle 3 is ingeniously designed to be everything the iPad will never be: small, light and inexpensive… Now, the Kindle is almost ridiculously lightweight; at 8.5 ounces, it’s a third the weight of the iPad.  And with a wi-fi connection you’re just seconds away from close to a million books. It’s like having access to an entire library from the comforts of your couch"  Sounds nice to me!

I don't own an e-book reader.  Until this past summer, I was convinced I'd never own one!  As a bibliophile, I cherish the smell of libraries and used book stores and turned my nose up at the notion of reading without actually cracking open a book.  But when my cousin's husband showed me his Barnes & Noble Nook, I thought to myself, "Someday ..."  I filled in that sentence with, "... when I'm reading enough to justify the expense" and "... maybe I'll receive one as a gift."

My grandmother taught me an invaluable lesson.  And I'm eager to get back to applying that lesson, no matter what form the books come in.

The last picture of me and Gran together.

For the record, this blog was ready to go today without the information about BzzAgent and the Kindle.  But when the opportunity to apply for the campaign came out this morning, the timing was too perfect and I had to tweak it!

Tampons Aren't Toys Boys

I never imagined I'd utter those words.  But that's one of the joys oddities of motherhood, I suppose.  And being a mom of boys?  I'm not one to put too much stock in gender roles, but I admit I wonder if I'd say the same things if I had girls.  Well, obviously they wouldn't have the same genitalia!  So, that'd be different.  Beyond that though, who knows?

The things that I've said recently:

- Only our pets lick our faces

- Your penis is not a hanger - get the ________ (fill in the blank here, usually a toy, sometimes a piece of food - Curly is a total nudist and likes to see if things will stay on it!) off it
- Don't take off your diaper just to pee/poop on the floor!

- Yogurt is not finger paint
- The water in the bath is not for drinking
- Don't lick it either!

And my two favorite recent stories:

- At bedtime last night, we got to discussing farts.  Don't ask me how it happened because I don't know.  What I do know is that I have an inner twelve year old boy and the day that farts and burps stop being funny is the day I will officially feel old.  So we're talking farts, when suddenly Curly farted intentionally and said, "Fart on Mama.  Ha ha."  Literally, the kid says, "Ha ha" when he's being funny or teasing.  I wasn't aware that two year olds could fart on purpose.  Or find it amusing to fart on someone.  Nothing better than ending your day laughing at bedtime!

- Thanks to coupons and sales, I had the chance to stock up on pads and tampons.  I got lots of the new U by Kotex.  I'm kinda meh on them, but that's not relevant to the story.  What is relevant is that they've attempted to make feminine products "discreet" (seriously, picture me heavily exaggerating the air quotes rather sarcastically) by making them bright and colorful.  They're really meant for first time and young period havers, hence the "fun" packaging.  Whatever.  Well, turns out the bright and colorful packaging is fun.  For little boys.  Who, because you no longer have a bathroom cabinet thanks to flooding, are able to easily access your toiletries that are temporarily stored in little buckets on the floor.  And apparently hot pink, neon green, mustard yellow, and electric blue tampons are supremely eye catching.  And once they are removed from the packaging?  Watch out!  A young kid will figure out how to depress the plunger and shoot their brother in the eye.  At which point I walk in (at what age can I leave them alone for five minutes without having to deal with things like this!?) and immediately yell, "tampons are not toys boys!"

Wordless Wednesday

I Run So I Don't Run Away

I wish I could take credit for the title, but it's a paraphrase of one of the shirts in the Run Like a Mother - the book store.  By the way, if you're ever inclined to get me a present, I'd happily accept any of the shirts from that store.  Or a running skirt.  Or the Bondi Band that sums up my relationship with running that reads, "I love running. I hate running.  I love running.  I hate running."

Running gives me a little bit of alone time, so I can better appreciate the time I do spend with my kids.  The endorphins from the runner's high help me coast through the day as a happier, more patient mom.  It's my sanity saver!

The next race I want to do is the Monadnock 5k while I'm in NH this summer.  I'm also considering having Slim participate in the fun run.  Both boys love to run and I want to do everything to encourage them along that path.

Here's the email response from one of the race directors.  I think it's pretty kickass!  A thoughtful and great race director makes for a fun race in my experience!

Awesome!  I am not sure if you have ever been here before, but it is a beautiful area to run a race.
At this point we plan on starting the 5K at the same time as the Half (9am).  This way we are done
before the hotter part of the day....although I know that is a relative term coming from Florida!
(It's 47 as I type this) 

We have people coming from 3 different time zones so it will be a good
sized, but fun race.  We really try to make it an overall great experience starting from the health
expo the night before, cheer stations during the race and a great finish line "party".  The medals and
t-shirts will be something you'll be proud to wear.

We haven't solidified the Fun Run time yet, but it wont be during the 5K.  We are thinking 8:30.  The
distance is still yet undetermined as well....but let me put it to you this way.  My co-director and I
are also parents (6  kids between the 2 families), ages 3-11.  They have all (except my youngest) have
participated in 5K's and fun runs of all types. SO, with that we will make sure that it is the proper
distance....and includes the proper Fun Factor.  (our wives wont let us make anything too long or
something that isn't fun)

I hope this helps and we look forward to seeing everyone here in Aug.  If you "friend" our race page
on Facebook, you can get some updates and inside info that we will not be releasing anywhere else.
Sincerely,
Chris Bernier

Already liked!  Now my friend, her sister-in-law and I just need to sign up. 

I'm also planning my next half marathon.  Any suggestions for ones I should check out?

And, in case you weren't aware, today is National Running Day, so get out there.  I'll be on the treadmill since I'm a temporary single mom the next several weeks, but I'll be running!