World Breastfeeding Week: Celebrating Nursing in Public

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!  Twenty years ago, World Breastfeeding Week (WBW) was born!  As it states on their Facebook page it was "Launched by the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA) to focus and facilitate actions to protect, promote and support breastfeeding, [WBW] is officially celebrated annually from Aug 1-7."

In honor of WBW, I will be doing some breastfeeding themed posts on the blog.

First up, is one that I dredged from my old Myspace account.  I had to reset my password, but yup, mine still exists.  It's like an online time capsule!  Back in 2007, when Slim was six months old, we took a trip (my first! and only) to Disney World.  Really, Slim and I just tagged along during one of R's work conferences, but I couldn't pass up the chance to finally get to go.  I was the recipient of a comment while nursing in the park and follows is my recap of what happened.

In making the commitment to breastfeed, I have also known that I would need to nurse in public. Nursing in public has made the news a lot lately - from the incident on a Delta flight to a mother being accosted by a security guard in the Berkshire Mall to several more cases that I'm sure moms have suffered in silence without going to the media.  Slim's nursed nearly everywhere - restaurants, stores, people's homes, even on a steamboat at Disney and although the fear has never stopped me from feeding him wherever I am, I have to admit, I've always been worried that someone would make a rude comment about it.

Thankfully, my first comment was a positive one. Early into our day at Disney Slim got hungry. I sat down, got comfortable and nursed him. A woman with dyed red hair came up to me and said, "Thank you so much for breastfeeding in public!" I was flustered by someone approaching me while nursing and responded, "Oh my God, of course!" And away she walked. She made me so happy that it brought a tear to my eye. I asked R to take a picture of me nursing Slim right then to capture the moment. It's one I truly cherish.

Over the course of approximately four years of breastfeeding, I never once was on the end of a disparaging comment while my baby/toddler/child was at my breast.  The closest I got was while flying solo with Curly and my seatmate asked if I needed a blanket and she'd press the flight attendant button since my hands were full.  I responded with a polite, "no, thank you - we're good here!" and got a simple, "oh, ok" in turn.  I truly think she was genuinely trying to be helpful, but also felt slightly uncomfortable. The Disney experience was my only encouraging comment from a stranger though. 

In last month's La Leche League meeting, I paraphrased a quote (don't know to whom to attribute, but Google says Eleanor Roosevelt), "Other people aren't thinking about you as much as you think, so don't worry!"  It sounds negative, but I meant it to be freeing and supportive of nursing in public.  It's so easy to think that everyone is staring at you when you're latching your child on, but chances are, they don't notice.  Plus, if someone is looking at you, it may be a woman like me, who is fondly remembering her nursing days!  I've been known to give thank you comments of my own, but occasionally I just smile.

There are no winners in the Mommy Wars

I've mentioned before that I breastfed my boys - Slim for 20 months and Curly for 25.  I loved nursing and I miss it and I am happy I was successful at doing what I set out to do.

I think support is crucial to a breastfeeding relationship. I was fortunate to have it in spades and chose to become a LLL Leader to be a source of support for others. I acknowledge LLL is not for everyone; these are volunteer mothers who have been through a rigorous training period, but they are people first. And sometimes people can be over the top. I've surrounded myself with Leaders and women who live the idea, "meet the mother where SHE is."  If you want to nurse for 6 weeks, 6 months, or one year and beyond, I want to support YOU in making that happen.

To all the women who have come to me with questions about getting your child to the breast, or nursing joys, or how to wean, I hope that I have fulfilled my goal (which is also LLL's) of providing mother to mother support.  If I have not been helpful or come across as judgemental, this was never my intent.  But if I did, will you please let me know?  I like constructive feedback - how else will I grow?

Breastfeeding made me a better mother, but it doesn't make me better than you.  It made me a better mother for my sons because it set me on a path of motherhood that worked for me. I know I just went nutso on the italics there, but I must be clear.  There is much too much mommy competition going on and that’s what I want to avoid.  In real life, I have friends who never breastfed and friends who did for varying lengths of time.  I would never, ever say to their face the mean and cutting things people say with the anonymity of the internet.  I don't say them online either.  There shouldn't be sides. It would be so much better if we could just compliment one another on not sending our kids running to therapy (yet), give a real or virtual pat on the back, and be on our merry way. 

Yet, the whole notion of opposing teams is perpetuated.  Case in point?

Photo credit: http://lightbox.time.com/2012/05/10/parenting/#1

Are you mom enough?  Really?  Way to imply there is one right way of parenting.  Well, there is, actually - the right one for you!
The divisiveness is driving me up a wall.  The Mommy Wars, childfree feminists versus feminist moms, Democrats and Republicans who refuse to cross the aisle ...  Seriously, I've had enough.  As we often encourage in LLL, "take what you like, and leave the rest." If you don't agree with a political position or a parenting philosophy or a feminist stance, just leave it! Don't wield your words to hurt your opposition. Even better, don't look at it as opposition, but rather a different point of view. Simple as that.  It should be, anyway.

In all of this, shame on Time for using a headline and a picture intended to stir controversy and create sides. Mothers are rightfully hurt by the implication they are not "mom enough" and AP supporters are frustrated at the misrepresentation of the parenting style that suited their family best.  Crummy mothers exist.  And what defines them as such? It isn't whether or not they breastfed or co-slept or used baby carriers. No, it is the ones who beat their kids or are verbally disdainful and resentful of the kid in front of the child. Those of us, the ones who love our kids and have bad days but are trying and always keep our family's best interests at heart - we are all mom enough!  

If you are seeking more validation of that sentiment, @MariaMelee compiled a list of tweets that proclaimed we are enough and mine was included!  Check out the blog to read how,

    

"Even when debates are manufactured and placed in front of us, it’s possible to rise above volleyed insults and defensiveness to recognize that we’re doing our best, and that the paths we choose are our right."

Do what works for your family.  Do it with love.  That's what matters.

Wordless Wednesday: RIP Maurice Sendak

In the wake of Maurice Sendak's death, this picture made the rounds and was attributed as one of his illustrations from 1947

Another Trip Around the Sun Completed

It's my birthday, I'll play Jimmy Buffet if I want to!

I am now 32.

Source: http://www.loc.gov/rr/print/list/128_migm.html

This is one of a series of pictures taken by Dorethea Lange that culminated in the famous portrait, Migrant Mother.  Florence Owens Thompson is the iconic mother.  She was 32 when the photo was taken.  She is so beautiful to me.  We all wear our age differently.  I have smile lines around my mouth and eyes, but also true wrinkles thanks to my dumbass years tanning outside and in tanning booths.  I look tired a lot since becoming a mom.  I have stretch marks from my pregnancies and from gaining and losing weight and growing taller, starting at puberty.  I haven't managed any new scars in a long time, physical or emotional, but I still nick myself shaving after twenty years practice.  Every mark is a memory.  I am beautiful too.

Between a move to my hometown, a job possibility I am pursuing, continuing my first year as a La Leche League Leader, and anticipating my second half marathon, my 32nd year looks promising.

Chronicles of a Nursing Mama

I am more than just a mother.  I am more than just a former breastfeeding mother.  I soak books up like a sponge and will read anything I can get my hands on: trashy crime novels, classic literature, even the junk ads stuffed in my mailbox.  I try to encourage my family in healthier eating and fitness habits after having spent a lifetime battling an unhealthy relationship with food.  I started running in 2010 and fell in love with it; I've run in several races and anticipate (once I figure out which area half marathon I'm going to register for) several more.  I enjoy camping and travel, although I don’t get to do either as often as I’d like.  My favorite place in the entire world is a family friend’s home and multiple acre property in New Hampshire.  I left the workforce to become a stay at home mom, and still question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?”

I am a mother.  I have two wacky and amazing sons.  Slim is nearly five! (oh my God, how and when did that happen?) years old and Curly is two.  Slim is so funny - intentionally and accidentally, he has an admirable sense of empathy, and is incredibly strong-willed.  Curly is adventurous, bordering just this side of reckless at times, is loud like his mommy, and gives some of the greatest hugs in the world.  My greatest goal is to raise two intelligent, happy, well adjusted, and contributing members of society.  A favorite quote of mine is, “If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much.” – Jackie Kennedy

I was a breastfeeding mother.  6/13/08 and 5/29/11 are memorable, bittersweet dates for me, as they mark when each boy weaned.  I love this stage of momhood, but I sure miss nursing.  Breastfeeding defined me not only as a mother, but as a woman.  From the time I developed breasts, I have been large chested, which has caused both wardrobe hassles and physical pain.  When I was seventeen, I had the opportunity to have a breast reduction.  During the consultation with the surgeon, I asked how the procedure would impact my future ability to breastfeed.  Looking back, I don’t recall a time when I had decisively concluded that nursing my babies was important to me, but when the doctor explained that a breast reduction might interfere with milk production, I immediately knew I’d decline the surgery.  That was my defining moment as a nursing mom, nine years before Slim was born.  Breastfeeding is a big part of who I am; it transformed me into the mother that I have become.   How?  Nursing hugely influenced my parental philosophy, helped me appreciate my breasts for the first time ever, changed my perspective on life and love, introduced me to like-minded mothers, and allowed me to simply be in the moment, enjoying the oxytocin fueled awesome serenity in a life that was not always calm.

I want to be good at not letting motherhood define me as a person, but I am glad that I can define myself as a mother who chose to breastfeed and allowed it to change my life. 

There are two pieces of advice I offer my friends and family when they become parents.  One: only you know what is best for your family.   Ultimately what matters is that you love your kids.  Two: find a support group of some sort.  I want to be part of an organization that helps support moms, new and seasoned, when it comes to helping them when they choose to breastfeed.  One of my life’s most rewarding ventures was volunteering with a crisis hotline in college; helping others in their time of need was incredibly fulfilling. I want to be a La Leche League Leader to encourage and assist mothers in reaching their breastfeeding goals, whatever those might be. 

I was a La Leche League Leader applicant until life started falling down around us this Spring.  Now that we've settled into our new world and we're no longer (please, please, please don't me be tempting fate in saying this) victims of Murphy's Law, I'm eager to resume that path again.  The problem is I don't know how!  I'm no longer a nursing mom and despite an unexpected resurgence of baby fever about a week ago on my part, we are done having kids.  So how do I integrate myself into the local breastfeeding community?  Here's to hoping I get it figured out.