I'm as Pretty as a Bug

Thank you, Old Navy circa 2005 - I DO <3 Mom!

Happy Mother's Day!

In honor of the day we celebrate the women who birthed us, adopted us, fostered us, but above all, made room in their hearts for us, I bring to you, "Why my Mom is Special" as dictated by Slim.

The bold part was pre-printed on the sheet and the rest was filled out by his teachers verbatim.  My thoughts follow in italics. 

"My Mom is special because she gets me what I like." Hmm, so it appears his love language is gifts.

"I like it when my Mom buys things at night."  Again with the buying stuff. And what does this even mean? Why at night?  We seldom go out at night.  Is that why it's special in his mind?

"My Mom is as pretty as a bug" A bug, huh?  I asked what that meant to him. He clarified that I am lovely like a ladybug or monarch butterfly.  I actually like that compliment!

"My Mom has a pretty smile! I like to make her smile by making a funny face." Now this one is true!  I was starting to think I didn't know my kid anymore because I couldn't predict any of his answers.  But this?  This I recognize and live daily.

"My Mom is smart! She even knows how to twirl on two legs." I'm smart y'all - I bet you can't twirl on two legs!

I am the sole parent for two more weeks.  This means I didn't get my number one Mother's Day wish, not to have to deal with anyone else's bodily functions or fluids.  Next year, R.  Of course, Curly will be done having accidents by then.  But you can get the cat litter.

Without the book in front of me, this is only a paraphrase, but motherhood, to me, is perfectly encapsulated at the end of the first Olivia storybook, when Olivia's mom says, "you wear me out, but I love you anyway."  My boys are joyous and kind and fascinating and loving ... except when they're not.  Argus McFargus, they can be tough stuff.  I reflected, this morning on the phone with R, how I think I'm a pretty good mother, so why aren't my sons, well, good-er?  The answer I came to is that we get the kids who most need us as parents.  Maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't flourish under any one else's care.  I don't know.  But it's reassuring nonetheless.  At the end of the day, I still know I'm as pretty as a bug.  Not everyone can say that.

Gifts

Gift giving.  Not my picture.  Wanna know how you can tell?  Those gifts are wrapped.  I don't do that.  But I want to try my hand at making that cake for the next birthday in the house

Save New Year's, the holidays are over.  The gift giving ones anyway.  Aside from the nasty tradition we've unwillingly adopted of getting sick as often and awfully as an Oregon Trail family (you have died of dysentery) whenever R's home for a period of longer than two days, they were enjoyable.   I'm particularly proud of how little I spent!  I didn't track it exactly, but the present tally for Slim and Curly was right around $200.00.  Next year I hope to spend less.  I accomplished this by purchasing most of their gifts at the Here We Grow Again consignment sale.  I also perused Craigs List for months, trying to find specific items.  Santa found a fantastic grab bag deal for $9ish at the Kansas City Zoo and the animal/zoo themed calculator stocking stuffers were the second favorite toy!  I didn't get as much on Etsy as I had originally intended, but am already arranging a little something with an Ohio friend's SewAppealingShop.  Yup, I'm getting a jump start before 2012 has even hit!  And honestly, the main reason I am able to keep spending down is because they don't get much.  Each boys gets one present each for seven of the nights of Hanukkah and Santa typically brings two big toys intended for sharing.

Here's a few of my personal favorites from this year:

Slim, in his red and blue cape

Curly wouldn't model for me.  His cape is blue and cranberry

The coolest Hanukkah present were these spectacular capes.  Please check out DiscoveryDenim on Etsy.  The price for her Blank Little Hero Capes went up since I made my purchase, but they are so worth it, even at the new price.  Definitely quality made - I love the material and the snap closure is a thoughtful touch.

All the Craigs List scouring paid off, because Christmas meant a used, wooden kitchen that didn't scream, "No Boys Allowed" and came complete with a lot of wooden food, tin pots and pans and play cleaning supplies.  Plus a grocery cart thrown in for good measure.  I've already experienced several gourmet meals the kiddos whipped together.

The best gift wasn't one, not in the traditional sense anyway.  Have you ever been overcome by God's presence, or, for the non-religious, complete calm and serenity with existence?  On Christmas Eve, the fifth night of Hanukkah, while watching the candles burn down, I was overwhelmed by such a sense of peace. I felt thankful and filled with love. I said out loud to R, “I love the world. I love you. I love the boys. I love God. I am just so in love right now.”  It was a temporary feeling, but while it lasted, I was glad to think all was right with life.  I seem to have two modes - sickeningly sweet and overly PC as R describes it, though I prefer to jokingly call it acting Canadian or psycho hose beast from PMS hell.  So I'll take the divine moments when I can get them and recognize them for the gift they are.

On that note, I'll just leave this quote here.
Each day provides its own gifts.
- Marcus Aurelius

Raising Ethical Children

I hope you're not reading this hoping for answers on how to raise ethical children because I have absolutely no clue. I'm just stumbling my way through parenthood.  But I have goals that I strive for as a mother.  And my biggest intention as a parent?  To raise intelligent, happy, well adjusted, and contributing members of society.

Thanks to my Mom and Gran, I have a soft spot for the British Royals.  As an American, I know little to nothing about how they are truly perceived and imagine a fair bit of press about them is propaganda.  However, I've admired how Princes William and Harry opted for military careers and continue involvement in charities like their mother.  The above photo is from a visit to a London homeless center.  I can't think of any American celebrity who has served in the military since WWII off the top of my head, can you?  And while some Hollywood stars are active in charity work, I don't know enough of their past to say whether that was a quality bestowed from their parents.  Princess Diana did well as a mother in this regard - her boys make a difference through their efforts. 

Frankly, I don't think I'll know if I'll have done as well until my boys are adults themselves.  The ways I try to instill this behavior is through living by example, taking advantage of teachable moments, and encouraging respect of the world and empathy for fellow people.  Which is great and all written out in mission statement-like form, but how?

I think kids (mine anyway) learn best through hands on involvement.  Hanukkah ends tonight, but it is a perfect example of how I utilize holidays to facilitate a volunteer attitude.  We incorporate tzedakah, a concept I talked about in my last post, in every holiday and try to too in everyday life.  Whenever gifts are received, as they are this time of year, we donate existing ones and talk about how some kids don't have any toys and it's great to give and make them smile.  And one of the eight nights is dedicated to giving back.  This year we are getting some items from Heartland SPCA's wishlist.  They want to give the animals who have yet to find a forever home toys to play with while they await their new owners. We've planned out a mini shopping spree at PetSmart tomorrow.  This is especially meaningful to Slim and Curly because they know we adopted Emmett from this very shelter. 

Which leads me to the next way I have managed some success - make a connection.  I know that I want to give money to organizations that mean something to me.  BzzAgent was generous and sent me a handwritten holiday card with a gift card to make a donation to a charity of my choice via JustGive.org.  What an amazing thank you idea, very pay it forward!  I searched the charities in the database (which seems limitless) and selected one that means a great deal to me: La Leche League, in honor of my former nurslings. Likewise, I see my guys more excited about volunteering when it means something to them.  They like to help when it has to do with other children, or animals, and for a while there, Slim was quite the Captain Planet - all eager to recycle and plant flowers and veggies, thanks to the school garden at his JCC Preschool in Florida. 

They genuinely do seem to care about other people.  I hope that the foundation I'm attempting to lay will also help them care about making the world a better place one kind action at a time.

What ways do you encourage responsible stewardship of the Earth and charitable actions towards people, animals, and places in your children?  I'd love to hear your success stories!

From the outside looking in - my perspective on Hanukkah

As of now, this is my favorite Hanukkah memory.  Slim was so proud of the menorah he made.

Happy Hanukkah!  I am not Jewish.  But R is.  And Slim and Curly are. 

I don't know what I am now. Aside from an amalgamation of beliefs.  I do know that I love God. Who R likes to envision as Mr. Wizard. And I know I love learning about and celebrating Jewish holidays and that doing so has enhanced my life. I'm thankful we are raising the boys Jewish, but I will respect their choices if they decide not to be. R and I joke that they can be anything - just dont let them be punks with their jeans belted around their upper thighs and their damn underwear showing. Excuse me, I think my #getoffmylawn! is showing.

I gotta admit, this picture helps me see R's point.  Mr. Wizard does look rather God-like here.

I grew up as a Presbyterian.  We still celebrate Christmas in our household.  In a secular way and as a way to teach them about my side of the family.  They know that they have Jewish grandparents and Christian grandparents and aunt, uncles, and cousin.  The best way I ever heard how we do things was described as follows: kids are smart enough to know that when they go to a friend's birthday party, it is not their birthday.  But it's still fun to attend.  Likewise, kids are able to recognize that Christmas may not be their holiday, but it is important to people in their life, and therefore nice to share in the festivities.

I'm doing a lot of reflecting on the holiday thanks to Hanukkah Hoopla, a collection of 16 Jewish bloggers' reflections and ideas.  "Each ... agreed to write something Hanukkah-ishy.
Taken together, you will see [they] represent a broad range of Jewish experience. Some ... are Reform. Others are Conservative. Some are Orthodox. Some ... have converted to Judaism.  Two ... are rabbis!  Some ... keep kosher; others, not so much."  Whether you are Jewish or not, please be sure to read each day.  I've found their experiences helpful, funny and touching in turn.  Plus, there are 16 chances to win a #HanukkahHoopla gift pack. 

On Twitter, @SmartBitches shared how the shamas, or "helper" candle used to light the menorah (the tall one in the middle and why there are nine candle spots when there are only eight nights of Hanukkah) has an extra purpose - reminding us that we can and should help one another every day.  It is messages like this that have caused me, an outsider, at times truly on the periphery, at others actively participating, to embrace Judaism.  Strangely and funnily enough, I think my religious beliefs, what I believe God has commanded of us, can be summed up in a quote from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, "Be excellent to each other."

And so, we try to incorporate tzedakah into each holiday and our lives in general.  One night of every Hanukkah in our household is dedicated to giving back.  This year, Emmett, our second dog and newest shelter pet, inspired our charity recipient: Heartland SPCA. 

There is so much beauty in the world, if only we could see it.  I've been married to R for nearly nine years, with him for nearly 14.  Without him, my eyes would never have been opened to the beauty inherent in Judaism and the opportunity to have a dynamic and growing faith in God.  It is the greatest gift he has ever given me.

Tabula Rasa at Rosh Hashanah

Dear Me,

Once upon a time, a high school English teacher discussed the theory of Tabula Rasa and ever since, it's resonated with you (and, hey, it was even the name of an episode of your beloved Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)  While it's not the philosphical concept, but rather the accepted translation of the phrase, know it's an amazing gift you've received today: a clean slate!

Make it a good and sweet year/life.  So many new things and second chances have opened up for you recently.  Now it's time for you to live boldly!

Love,
Super excited but will kick your heinie if you squander this opportunity

Happy Memorial Day!

I love many things about the development we live in.  One thing that I greatly appreciate is that around American holidays, they decorate in front of the entrance of every neighborhood by planting flags.

Slim asked me why the flags were up this weekend and then what Memorial Day was; we had a fun and funny little conversation that went like this:

Me, "It is a holiday to honor and celebrate the soldiers who keep our country safe."

Slim, "I think we also dress up in costumes of what we want to be when we're a grown up.  Some people dress like soldiers.  I'm going to dress like an alligator hunter.  That's what I want to be."

Me, puzzled as to where this idea came from and prepared to ask where in the world the idea came from when Slim went on, "alligators don't eat bathing suits you know.  So that's what I'll wear."