Our very, very, very fine house

Want to see pictures of how our rental house in PA is coming along?  Just under two weeks until we move in!

I'm stoked over the morning light in the dining room.  Open door on left leads outside.  Door on right opens to a closet.

Back splash and faucet not in yet.

Woo-hoo for built in pantry

Looking into the family room.  I think they did amazing at converting a small galley kitchen into something that maximises space.

Now I just need to take pictures of some furniture here that we're trying to sell.  Anyone want to buy an Ashley Furniture queen bedroom set?

Breathe in the flowers, blow out the birthday candles

Photo Credit: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stress_2.gif
What stress can do to the body

Last month, Funky Little EarthChild wrote on her Facebook page,

"My 5 year old son is a bright ball of energy, naturally. Sometimes, he gets himself so wound up that he has a hard time bringing his focus back to Earth. It can be frustrating for me when he is acting like a little tornado in the house, but it's upsetting for him, too. You can tell he wants to relax at some point but his little mind is on go-go-go. So, I started teaching him some basic yoga - specifically sun salutations. Just 5 minutes of breathing, moving and concentrating so that he can regain his focus and relax just a little. He really enjoys it. We'll see if it helps him."

Not all of what she says is identical to how my five year acts and reacts, yet the outline of him is evident. It's like looking at yourself in a funhouse mirror, all your features are there, but distorted slightly.  You still recognize the person when you see them. 

Slim is responding to my high stress over the move in a, well let's just call it a non-optimal way.  I feel challenged by his behavior and it doesn't seem like he wants to be so tightly sprung.  I'm anxious, he's anxious, we're a barrel of anxious monkeys over here!  It has always been my practice to allow my sons their emotions, yet guide them in a socially acceptable manner of expression.  So, I am or will be trying three things to help him.  And help me too.   My stress release methods could certainly stand tweaking an overhaul.  I may be the adult in this relationship, but with my increased yelling, I'm not a good role model when it comes to how I've handled the crappy last few months.

I know that when I am no longer a temporary single mom, when R and I are reunited, and when we are living together, in the same state, as a family, my usual calm down tactics will be functioning again.  In the meantime, I am living at my wit's end and counting down the days.  It's wise to keep a toolbox stocked though and it wouldn't hurt to rotate in some new tools.  What keeps you from pulling out your hair?

As for Slim, I want to work on:

1. Breathing exercises 
2. Yoga
3. Making and using a mind jar

When the boys took Gymboree Play & Music classes, one of the sports teachers was fond of ending the class with stretches and a simple breathing exercise.  She encouraged the kids to hold their hands cupped up near their nose and, "breathe in the flowers" then lower their hands perpendicular to their mouths and, "blow out the birthday candles."  I want to lead him in this and some other breathing exercises for relaxation.  One I plan to implement was something a dance instructor of mine from childhood used to close out the class.  I welcomed the moments of calm and control over my body as we were told to tighten our toes, ankles, calves, and on and on up to the hair growing out of our heads and then to release in reverse order.  I hope Slim gains as much out of it as I did.

Creekside Learning, a homeschool blog, outlines four ways that kids benefit from yoga: body, breathing, mind, and peace.  It builds on the breathing exercise goal and is something I think will soothe Slim's soul and focus his frantic energy.

A book that I read to my guys sometimes and have used twice in different storytime & craft days I've hosted is My Daddy Is a Pretzel: Yoga for Parents and Kids by Baron Baptiste.  It is an engaging introduction to yoga.  The story is based during a class circle time, in which children are sharing what their parents and guardians do for a living.  Every career relates back to a yoga pose that the narrator's father can do.  "Samantha's mommy is a baker, sometimes my daddy is a pretzel"   Easy to understand instructions are accompanied by a step by step illustration of the pose. 

Thanks to a Plum District deal and a friend's thoughtfulness in suggesting I check out Romparoo, I have Curly enrolled in a few weeks of Summer camp.  They also offer yoga for 5-7 year olds, as long as there is sufficient interest (so please, if you're in the area, sign up your child!) and I have expressed interest in getting Slim involved.

I first learned about mind jars from my time wasting on Pinterest.  Following are some of the best posts I've read on the subject:

Juggling with Kids - Although she made hers later, this was the first one I discovered on Pinterest and sent me down the rabbit hole searching for more.

Here We Are Together - Juggling with Kids links to this blog as the source and Here We Are Together links to still life with circles who indicates the idea derived from the book Moody Cow Meditates.  There is a printable available here to affix to your mind jar should you so choose.

still life with circles - Discusses guided meditation ideas and has a picture of what the mind jar looks like before it's all shook up.

Sun Hat & Wellie Boots - I find solidarity in this post because she was led to create a mind jar for her daughter because of being overwhelmed by a move too.

The premise of the mind jar is to serve as a time for reflection and meditation to ease a child's mind in those moments when they are a human twister.  It's not meant as a punitive time out.  If you practice time ins or are familiar with Montessori peace tables and education, it is akin to those philosophies - a chance for regrouping.

Although the mind jar can be made from a plastic container, I would prefer to make ours from glass, as in the examples.  Given that, the project will be completed post-move.  In the meantime, we have one of those glittery seek-and-find magic wands that I'll have Slim use for practice as I discuss the mind jar plans with him.

Above, I asked for me, but I also want to know what coping tools you've provided your children?  Have you used any of the three things on our list to try successfully?

Temporary Single Mom

Since May 2011, I have been the sole parent living at home with our sons for what will total around four months.  Right now, the kiddos and I stayed put, letting Slim finish his prekindergarten year, while R moved ahead to Pennsylvania.  And his job brought him out to Kansas before we left Florida last year.  When you add up all the time that R was traveling since we joined him in the Midwest and his work kept him away so that he was usually only around for bits of weekends, it's even more than that.  It's two different challenges: he's missed out on over a half year of their lives and I have been alone with them.

I have come to appreciate single parents so very, very much.

My status as a temporary single mother is just that - temporary.  It is trite and I loathe hearing it, but there is an end to it all and we will be a family again.  The hated platitude has truth. Our family of four and a family with our parents, the kids' grandparents, living in the same town, awaits!  We've never had that. 

As I consider the upsides of this move, little things, like the ability to list the grandparents on the school emergency contact list, rather than an acquaintance met through a mom's group that intuition (fortunately) correctly predicted as a friend (oh yeah, I did that when we moved here around school start time), rank highly. 

In the meantime, the end is not here and, when living through it, does not feel near.  I have to be the one responsible for two kids, five pets, and one whole house.  I can't have that bottle of wine I'm desperate for because, again, I have to be the responsible one.  When one of the boys or one of the dogs needs to pee in the middle of the night?  I'm the one that gets up with them.  When one or all of the cats starts the hungry fidgeting as I'm clinging to sleep?  I'm the one who tries to ignore them and fails when I can't get back to cozy dreamland.  When the house gets messy?  I'm the one who leaves a lot of the mess for another day because I'm so damn tired and wind up creating more work for myself. 

Thank goodness for increasing responsibility, thoughtful friends, and coffee!  Slim and Curly grow more capable all the time, to the point that I need to remind myself that they can do more than what I ask of them and let them do.  The generous women who I am so pleased to call my friends, here and in Florida, are and were eager to ease my load when I am and have been by myself for months.  And Starbucks and Keurig might as well sponsor me on this journey.

I need a nap.  I need time to run outside, instead of on a treadmill.  I need to start off with just a glass out of the bottle of wine that I want; I imagine I'm a quick drunk right now.  I need reassurance that I'm not messing my boys up forever since I yell more and let them watch more television than I would if I had my husband, their dad, as a partner in life and parenthood with me in the house, rather than hours, states, and a timezone away.    I really need to set aside my negative emotions and soak up the time I have left in Kansas - yes, I want the moving process over with, but not at the expense of wishing away time spent with great people and in a part of the country I've come to love quite a bit.

I'm not perfect.  I reckon (shut up, I've had Firefly on the brain lately, which may make me more or maybe less perfect in your eyes) you aren't either.  How do you make the most of your life during hard times?

Don't Be Afraid To Live Small

R tries his hand at draftsmanship

The layout of our next home is small (1574 SF - the smallest we've lived in since having children) but useful.  Every room will be used wisely and all up! 

I find it interesting how home sizes have changed over time.  The article, "The Righteous Small House: Challenging House Size and the Irresponsible American Dream" puts things in perspective, "According to the National Association of Home Builders, the average size of a new single-family American residence in 1950 was 983 square feet. Today, it is nearly 2500 square feet. As home sizes ballooned over that time, family size shrank. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that in 1950, an average American family consisted of 3.8 people; today’s average family contains 2.6 people."  This house was built in 1953 and appears to have had two additions - the portion that we will use as a playroom and portions of where the dining and master bedroom are. 

R and I have lived in apartments and homes that were ranches, split levels or two stories with finished basements and we've learned the saying, "it's not the size that counts, but how you use it" actually applies to something - it doesn't matter how modestly sized the home, as long as it's space is functional.

I have been scouring Pinterest for ideas on utilizing and improving the effeciency of rooms and closets.  A lot of those ideas keep coming back to IKEA.  We will have two, not zero like now, but two IKEAs in Pennsylvania, so that we might fulfill some of my pinspirations.

Most of all, I want organization that I love and R can live with. Also, a family command center.
Something like these Expedit shelves for storage and one turned the other way and, so there's surface to create a chalkboard would be ideal:

Source: tipjunkie.com via Meghan on Pinterest

I don't believe the house has a coat closet and it just enters right into the family/living room, so something like these Hemnes shoe cabinets could create an entryway, shoe storage, and key drop.

Source: involvingcolor.com via Meghan on Pinterest

Honestly, we'll mostly just be repurposing what we have.  As long as "there is a place for everything and everything in its place", I'll be content.  One purchase we will need to make is new beds for the boys right away.  Long story short as to the whys, but now Slim sleeps in a Queen and Curly in a Full.  That's not going to work when they are sharing a room.  I'd love to get them a Kura reversible loft bed and use the space underneath as a reading nook, their own private fort, a playspace, whatever.

Source: ikeahackers.net via Meghan on Pinterest

I've wanted to downsize for a while.  In fact, when we retire, it is my dream (but not so much R's) to live in a supremely small space, like a tiny house or an RV.

I mean, how darling is this caravan?  Sourced from Tiny House Blog, "Most of these caravans are around 215-230 square feet and include a kitchen, a bathroom and sleeping facilities as well as plenty of storage, heating for winter use, outdoor living spaces and lovely details including polished brass port-hole windows. They come fully equipped and can accommodate up to four people."

Source: tinyhouseblog.com via Meghan on Pinterest

Here's another caravan, it shows that functional living in a small space is possible.  It also makes for a fun game of spot the IKEA!

Source: tinyhouseblog.com via Meghan on Pinterest

Although Dwight Schrute disagrees,

I'm still going with,

Source: sweetsweetlife-amy.blogspot.com via Meghan on Pinterest

Putting our new home together?  "It's [hopefully gonna be] easy."

Home

Source: eighteen25.blogspot.com via Meghan on Pinterest

What I love most about my home is who I share it with.  Yes, yes, yes!  That's a free printable courtesy of eighteen25, kindly offered in eight different color choices, that I intend to hang in our new home.

Finding a place was more challenging than we had hoped, but we are excited with the house we will call home.

So, what do the walls that will surround our family look like?

Nope, that's not it.  We kinda fell in love with this old, yet well maintained 3,000+SF farmhouse-ish house, but we lost out on it to a single woman.  I'm not sure what one person needs with all that space, but at least I won't have to worry about not having AC (not equipped with it, being over one hundred years old and all.)

That's not it either.  While an ideal location for R's work and the preschool we'll be sending Curly to, the owners preferred their tenants to have less pets.  I get it, I absolutely do.  It just seems a strange sticking point considering they were already renting to some college bro types.

Wrong again!  This is one of the two houses for which we were approved, but it was the most expensive of all the homes we looked at and further from the preschool than I would have preferred.

There we go - home sweet home.  For a little while, at least.

I have yet to see it in person, but R took some pictures this morning. The property manager is having the house rehabbed.  Pardon the mess as they are taken amidst work being done, but these are some of my favorite features:

This is one of the two fireplaces.  It's custom-done and in the family/living room.

The kitchen has been gutted and opens to the dining room ...

and the family/living room.

A lovely bay window in the family/living room.  R says the house gets lots of wonderful natural light.

The second fireplace is in a second living area that we'll use as the playroom.  The floor in there is so cool.

Other than apartments, we've never had a stone exterior.  And the landscaping looks easy enough for this poor excuse for a gardener to manage.

Just look at those refinished floors!

The house is not without its challenges - it will be the smallest home we've lived in since pre-kid life.  We've already decided the boys will share a bedroom.  The master and one of the bedrooms are the same size - 12x14, with the third bedroom being 10x11.  We'll use the tiny room as an office/craft/homework area.

I hope you enjoyed the house tour.  I'm itching to see it and work with R on making it our own.

Heart



Too true. Since I posted this, I discovered the source of the picture.  Buy here: http://www.etsy.com/listing/74193152/left-my-heart-print

I love those moments when children surprise you.  In a positive way, not when they flour bomb the floor like it's Kim Kardashian.  I'm talking about the times when their inherent wisdom, humor, and awesomeness shine through and you realize, nay remember, the capacity for kids to be so stinking wise, funny, and awesome is deep and wide.  Slim reminded me of this recently.

With preparing for an impending move and running a household of two wild and crazy guys and five animals by myself, I've been understandably stressed.  One day I wasn't being the kindest mom.  I am a big believer that parents are not exempt from making mistakes.  This is a short article that articulates my beliefs about why and how to make peace with your child.  I told the kids that I was sorry I was being mean and that I felt overwhelmed about the move and leaving Kansas and our friends here.  I explained that I needed to find a better way to express my frustrations without yelling.

Slim told me, "Mom, you just need to pretend your friends are your family.  Then they will always be in your heart and you won't miss them."

Woah.

A few days later as we were recounting the story to a friend, he went on "And they'll be in your brain and you won't ever forget them."

Damn! Kid, you are my Yoda.

Playing surgeon at KidScape

Within about the same time period, we made a visit to KidScape, a permanent "hands-on suburban streetscape for kids to explore community" at Johnson County Museum.  There is a hospital setup within the exhibit, complete with OR.  Open the doors on the patient's chest that you see above and you discover an organ puzzle.  Drs. Slim and Curly gleefully removed the organs.  When Slim took out the heart he declared, "The man has no heart.  He can't love anymore."

I have no heart related Curly anecdotes, but I wanted to share a few cute things he's done or said lately:

• I use my regular vocabulary around the boys, which consists of occasional big words.  I also use I feel _____ when _____ statements.  Curly has picked up on both the words and the statements.  He has taken to saying, "I feel irrited (meaning irritated) because (I can't play, I want a lollipop, you are taking me on a boring errand ...)
• I think, thanks to the nursing relationship with each boy, I have been my sons' "lovey".  It is less apparent now that Slim is getting older, although he still is such a sweet cuddlebug.  But Curly, in the last few months, has taken to gently rubbing my ear lobes when I hold him or as we lay next to each other as I'm getting him down to sleep.  It feels nice and I find it as relaxing as he does. 
• He hero worships Slim.  "I love you my brudder."
• In less than two weeks, my baby boy will truly no longer be a baby - he is turning three!  But if you ask him how old he'll be?  "Four, then six, then eight, nine, ten ..." and on and on.  Curly just wants to bypass this year for some reason.

Hiatus Over ... Now What?

It's been months since I last blogged because I've struggled with what I want to do with this tiny piece of internet I've carved out for myself.   Mostly I'm questioning just how much I should put out there. I have drafts of posts on current events, but I'd prefer to not get too political.  Plus, those events are long past current.

Something I want to dedicate time to is an idea stolen from Play St. Louis - posts reviewing parks, pools, and indoor play places.  Johnson County, Kansas and the metro Kansas City area offers an abundance of free fun.  I especially want to do this as it will serve as an active fond farewell.  Sadly, we are moving in about two months.  Fortunately, it is to the area where R and I grew up - an equally wonderful place.  As I shared on Facebook, this is the epitome of bittersweet.  But in the meantime, I will be out enjoying all this area has to enjoy.  I hate when I miss out on visiting the cool places in and around the towns I've called home.  I still kick myself for not going to The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum when we lived near Cleveland.  And if this series proves popular, I will continue it in Pennsylvania. 

I end with a quote that brings me a measure of comfort right now, "There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction." - Winston Churchill

I remain hopeful that every step in my life ultimately leads me in the right direction.

Make new friends, but keep the old ...



As you know, we recently moved out of state and I miss my friends terribly!  Thankfully, the Midwest is proving to be wonderful - I truly love it here, but as I said in a text to a treasured Florida friend, "I miss ... friends.  We're in that blah stage where we've met people, but no real friends yet." I am desperately seeking interaction for me and the boys, adult conversation, friendship.




The push pedal tractors were a huge hit with the boys!

It is SO hard to move to a new area where I don't know ANYONE and it takes a great deal of courage for this self-described homebody to venture out and meet other moms, attempt to have a conversation that goes beyond small talk, approach an existent circle of friends in a moms' group.  But I do it.  For my sons, I do it.  And for me too.


I didn't like who I was in Florida that much.  Most of our time there, I was rather depressed.  I relish the opportunity for a fresh start, to be a new me, the real me.


I have a method of making new friends down pat at this point.  Googling local mommy groups, Meetup, Big Tent, volunteer work, PTA/PTOs, Gymboree Play & Music classes are all great resources for meeting people.  In fact, my treasured Florida friend and I met at Gymboree.  Well, actually, we met after dropping our older ones off at a Gymboree sports class, walking our younger ones down the shopping center to a little consignment shop, then (I promise I wasn't stalking you J!) heading in to a coffee shop, where we ended up talking and were blown away by our similarities.  Our sons are both around the same age.  We were both new to the area.  Her family is Jewish, as are my husband and sons.  We enjoy running and working out, although neither of us is in the shape that we currently wish to be in.  In short, she is awesome and it's a situation that I don't know if I'll ever replicate.  But I'll try.


Barns and gardens galore

I've been making sure that I've been proactive in forging relationships out here.  I invited a mom whose company I enjoyed to a gem of an attraction in our town called Deanna Rose Childrens Farmstead earlier this week.  I'm having difficulty uploading pictures of the fun time we had there, but I've included a couple pictures straight from the web site.  Another mom asked us to lunch after a Music with Mar class.  As we drove there in our separate minivans, her daughter asked, "Mom, where's my boyfriends?"  :)  Apparently, she'd never said such a thing.  Supercute.

Here's a challenge for you: the next time you are somewhere other moms congregate (the park, a museum, your child's school), start a conversation with a mom you don't know.  If you hit it off, whip out your phone and add their phone number and email to your contacts.  Be like me, if you're the forgetful type, and add their kiddos' names and a description of where you were when you met them to the notes.  Are you part of a MOMS Club or other playgroup?  Give them that information!  Be welcoming. Be kind.  A simple hello may turn into a lifelong friendship.  I love you J - thank you for teaching me so much about friendship!  And for introducing me to K - I want to be 60-something years old and still doing girls' weekends!



An old-fashioned General Store

On the Road Again

R has accepted a phenomenal job opportunity in Kansas City, MO. So, we're moving. Again. For the way too many timeth in four years. I am excited, but also nervous/frustrated/annoyed by having to move. Because did I mention again? Mostly, I'd classify myself as excited though.

Our Melissa & Doug map puzzle came in handy to count and show all the states we've lived in and visited.

17 states!  That's how many the older one has been to.  We counted and Slim has been to just one state less than me (I've been to West Virginia and he hasn't)  Curly will be at 14 states soon.  And we'll be adding on even more states to the list when we move.  You are aware that they're only two and four, right?  I don't think I had been to 14 states until I was nearly 14!  Not to mention that my first plane trip was when I was 18 and the boys have their own frequent flyer numbers.  Craziness.

A big positive right now?  Aside from the opportunity to build a life in a place that's been rated amongst the top places to raise a family?  Imagining my dream home.  There were bits and pieces of each home we've owned that I wish I could pick apart to combine my ideal place.  The quick and easy way to play that game is to say that I'd take the OH house with the FL view and plop it in PA.  

PA - Couldn't find any pictures of the door painted red

PA - Hannah enjoying the backyard.  I loved that fence!

OH - Toddler Slim toddling along picking dandelions

OH - the view from my kitchen window

OH - we didn't get to use it enough, but it was nice having a playset in the backyard

FL - beautiful Palm trees, but even at Halloween it's still hot and sweaty!

FL - the thing I'll miss most about this house is the gorgeous view

 Things I would love in my next home?

Built-in bookshelves.  Brown walls with black and white photos.  An ottoman for a coffee table

A useful, organized entryway

Some kind of funky tile in the kitchen

Bench seating.  I prefer something more rustic than this.

However, the modernity of this and the ability to tuck it back against the wall is cool too.  Plus, I adore the idea of that wall, although not the design of it entirely.

A playroom that looks more like a classroom.

A deck with some privacy and a pergola.

Another view of above

Am I going to get all of these things?  No, of course not.  But it really appeals to the planner in me to think of all the potential of a new home.

So, what's Kansas City like? Outside of what I can find on Google. What does a real person who has lived or visited that part of the country think?