Nobody's Perfect, Not Even My Mother

Source: http://www.betterworldbooks.com/nobody-s-perfect-not-even-my-mother-id-0807557072.aspx

A few years ago, when dealing with antepartum depression, my therapist gave me a book called Nobody's Perfect, Not Even My Mother in which "a young child learns that nobody's perfect, yet people can be wonderful just the same." because part of my struggle was perfectionism and not being who I thought I should be, particularly as a mom.  The illustrations and moreso the storyline feel old; the book is from the 80s.  Yet, when reading aloud to a child, it helps temper the parental hero worship that lasts for such a short time in their young life, and reminds the reader that nobody's perfect, not even me.  In the words of Stuart Smalley, "...and that's...okay."

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My imperfections are not few, but I think some of the worst ones are evident when I'm in such a hurry I forego minor laws and basic human courtesy. Nothing good comes from rushing.  Case in point, several weeks ago we were thisclose to running late to an obligation and I chose to, just this once, turn right at the stoplight closest to our house, despite the prominent "No Turn on Red" sign.  Sure enough, there was a police officer in the vicinity who witnessed my mistake and pulled me over.  It was my first time ever getting pulled over and I didn't cry like I always assumed I would, even though the boys were asking me if I was going to jail.  Instead, the first thing I said to the officer was, "I know exactly what I did wrong and I'm sorry."  Fortunately, he was in a forgiving mood and I got off with a warning.

It's funny because, as R will be sure to tell you, I ordinarily won't even jaywalk because it's against the law.  And, as R will also attest, I tend towards what he calls overly-PC and what I consider walking a mile in someone else's shoes.  Kurt Vonnegut succinctly stated my life's goal, "God damn it, you've got to be kind."



Source: http://www.sadbear.net/2010/02/24.html

When I fail in that regard, I want to cry and I get an empty hurt in the pit of my stomach.  I had such an encounter today and it was all my fault.

We had a busy morning.  We went to a playdate, then a toy store to get gift ideas as we have a birthday party every Saturday for the next four weekends.  Last stop was the library.  I park and let the kids out through Curly's side of the car.  While making sure he's safe, Slim pushes the door hard to get out.  It hits the car next to us.  I register that the car is running; the driver is in the car.  I reprimand Slim, insisting he needs to pay better attention to his surroundings.  I'm mortified.  But I'm also single-minded in my purpose - we have to get in and out of the library fast, make it home to eat lunch, load up the backpack with snack, note, and folder, then meet the pm kindergarten bus.  The car that was hit by our door has its reverse lights on; the driver is leaving.  Ok then, my brain's focused on the to-do list.  We need to hurry.

Walking now, we're five cars away when I hear a loud, "What do you think you're doing?"  I know who it is.  I know they are talking to me.  But the tone of voice raises my hackles and I turn around and defensively respond, "Excuse me?"  A blonde woman, about my age, looks at me disdainfully.  She says something else caustically.  I walk towards her and ask her to please cut the sarcasm in front of my kids.  She does. She points out the mark on her door that matches the color of mine.  I hadn't noticed.  I want to melt from embarrassment.  She dresses me down calmly, deservedly. 

I profusely apologize.  I explain that my focus isn't where it should be.  I offer my insurance information.  I want to prove that I'm actually a very nice person.  She won't take it, any of it.  All she wants is something impossible.  For me to go back in time and say I'm sorry without prompting.  That it was bad enough when people walk away from things like that when the driver isn't there, but it is worse when they are.

It is too late.  The damage is done.  Literally and figuratively.  She is right and I darn well know it.  She doesn't take anything from me, but imparts a final message. Her point sounds like something you'd hear in a horror movie, "Just don't let yourself do this again."

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What's So Relaxing About a Murder-by-Treetop Ballad?

Philosotoddler has a point.  Source: http://slacktory.com/2012/01/philosotoddler/

This past weekend, my boys wanted to play "baby."  I had such a woah-time-is-going-way-too-fast moment strike as I cradled them in my arms.  It especially resonated with my older son, my first baby, as all four feet plus of him and his long, lean limbs stretched far beyond my lap.

A friend and I recently discussed that while we may be picky about what movies we play in our home, we're unlikely to ever censor their book choices.  Yet when they were itty bitty, I did occasionally employ creative editing of some morbid lullabies and nursery rhymes.

If, like me, you've wondered why anyone would write lyrics about a child falling to their presumed death, let alone sing it to put children to sleep, perhaps you'd like my reworked Rock-a-Bye Baby!

Rock-a-bye baby

In mommy's arms

While you are here, you'll come to no harm

You know that I love you

And you know that daddy does too

Are there any songs or stories that disturbed you enough to change them when sharing with your kids?

Of things that will never be

Okay, let me get this out of the way first:  I love my sons and would not trade them for anything.  This post is merely a reflection of my thought that it would be nice to have a daughter as well.  Meaning, in addition to, not instead of.

If Slim had been a girl, we would have named him Nora Rachel.

Had Curly been a girl, his name would have been Sarah Gwyneth.

And because I make R play the name game with me, we know what we would name an accidental (which is the only way a future child is happening) son or daughter.  I'll keep those names close, just in case an accident happens, that way their name would be as private as Slim's and Curly's.

What's got me thinking of daughters?

I suppose it's the time of year.  Friend's daughters are having their dance recitals and I feel a tad envious.  When I was a girl, I took ballet, jazz and modern dance from instructors who, while I didn't entirely recognize it at the time, created a caring atmosphere that inspired love of movement, body confidence, and respect.  It makes me sad that I will likely never enroll a child of mine in dance or watch them perform in a dance recital. 

I've discussed my thoughts on this with R and with friends.  Despite being a parent who encourages her sons to break beyond typical gender roles, I do have my limits.  Unless Slim or Curly approach us about wanting to take dance lessons, I won't sign them up.  I recognize the societal view of a male dancer.

To which I argue:



Photo credit: http://danceiseuphoria.wordpress.com/?s=Mikhail+Baryshnikov&submit=Search

Mikhail Baryshnikov was considered a sex symbol, which he finds an "illusion from the stage." But damn if there isn't something powerful and inherently sexy about an athletic body.

Still.  Although there are resources like the blog, Boys and Ballet, that seek to highlight male success in dance and eliminate, or at least ease, the stereotypes boys taking ballet face.  Yet.  Even knowing enough football players have taken ballet, "it wasn't news anymore." 

All of those things do not compel me to subject my guys to potential mocking for what is nothing more than my desire to have a dancer.  To me, that would be no better than forcing them to only play with trucks when they also wanted to play with baby dolls, or making them wear dresses instead of shorts without their consent.  I cannot force my will on my children. 

Yes, it's hard for me, as someone who believes in blurring the lines between traditional male and female roles to acknowledge the hold sexism has on me and the limits I will set as a mother.  I do somewhat bemoan the possibilities lost with no Nora or Sarah. Ultimately, my wanting Slim and Curly to know how to sew, change a flat tire, make a meal, and build something is so that they have an abundance of tools to become awesome.  And become the person they want.  Not what I want.

Breathe in the flowers, blow out the birthday candles

Photo Credit: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stress_2.gif
What stress can do to the body

Last month, Funky Little EarthChild wrote on her Facebook page,

"My 5 year old son is a bright ball of energy, naturally. Sometimes, he gets himself so wound up that he has a hard time bringing his focus back to Earth. It can be frustrating for me when he is acting like a little tornado in the house, but it's upsetting for him, too. You can tell he wants to relax at some point but his little mind is on go-go-go. So, I started teaching him some basic yoga - specifically sun salutations. Just 5 minutes of breathing, moving and concentrating so that he can regain his focus and relax just a little. He really enjoys it. We'll see if it helps him."

Not all of what she says is identical to how my five year acts and reacts, yet the outline of him is evident. It's like looking at yourself in a funhouse mirror, all your features are there, but distorted slightly.  You still recognize the person when you see them. 

Slim is responding to my high stress over the move in a, well let's just call it a non-optimal way.  I feel challenged by his behavior and it doesn't seem like he wants to be so tightly sprung.  I'm anxious, he's anxious, we're a barrel of anxious monkeys over here!  It has always been my practice to allow my sons their emotions, yet guide them in a socially acceptable manner of expression.  So, I am or will be trying three things to help him.  And help me too.   My stress release methods could certainly stand tweaking an overhaul.  I may be the adult in this relationship, but with my increased yelling, I'm not a good role model when it comes to how I've handled the crappy last few months.

I know that when I am no longer a temporary single mom, when R and I are reunited, and when we are living together, in the same state, as a family, my usual calm down tactics will be functioning again.  In the meantime, I am living at my wit's end and counting down the days.  It's wise to keep a toolbox stocked though and it wouldn't hurt to rotate in some new tools.  What keeps you from pulling out your hair?

As for Slim, I want to work on:

1. Breathing exercises 
2. Yoga
3. Making and using a mind jar

When the boys took Gymboree Play & Music classes, one of the sports teachers was fond of ending the class with stretches and a simple breathing exercise.  She encouraged the kids to hold their hands cupped up near their nose and, "breathe in the flowers" then lower their hands perpendicular to their mouths and, "blow out the birthday candles."  I want to lead him in this and some other breathing exercises for relaxation.  One I plan to implement was something a dance instructor of mine from childhood used to close out the class.  I welcomed the moments of calm and control over my body as we were told to tighten our toes, ankles, calves, and on and on up to the hair growing out of our heads and then to release in reverse order.  I hope Slim gains as much out of it as I did.

Creekside Learning, a homeschool blog, outlines four ways that kids benefit from yoga: body, breathing, mind, and peace.  It builds on the breathing exercise goal and is something I think will soothe Slim's soul and focus his frantic energy.

A book that I read to my guys sometimes and have used twice in different storytime & craft days I've hosted is My Daddy Is a Pretzel: Yoga for Parents and Kids by Baron Baptiste.  It is an engaging introduction to yoga.  The story is based during a class circle time, in which children are sharing what their parents and guardians do for a living.  Every career relates back to a yoga pose that the narrator's father can do.  "Samantha's mommy is a baker, sometimes my daddy is a pretzel"   Easy to understand instructions are accompanied by a step by step illustration of the pose. 

Thanks to a Plum District deal and a friend's thoughtfulness in suggesting I check out Romparoo, I have Curly enrolled in a few weeks of Summer camp.  They also offer yoga for 5-7 year olds, as long as there is sufficient interest (so please, if you're in the area, sign up your child!) and I have expressed interest in getting Slim involved.

I first learned about mind jars from my time wasting on Pinterest.  Following are some of the best posts I've read on the subject:

Juggling with Kids - Although she made hers later, this was the first one I discovered on Pinterest and sent me down the rabbit hole searching for more.

Here We Are Together - Juggling with Kids links to this blog as the source and Here We Are Together links to still life with circles who indicates the idea derived from the book Moody Cow Meditates.  There is a printable available here to affix to your mind jar should you so choose.

still life with circles - Discusses guided meditation ideas and has a picture of what the mind jar looks like before it's all shook up.

Sun Hat & Wellie Boots - I find solidarity in this post because she was led to create a mind jar for her daughter because of being overwhelmed by a move too.

The premise of the mind jar is to serve as a time for reflection and meditation to ease a child's mind in those moments when they are a human twister.  It's not meant as a punitive time out.  If you practice time ins or are familiar with Montessori peace tables and education, it is akin to those philosophies - a chance for regrouping.

Although the mind jar can be made from a plastic container, I would prefer to make ours from glass, as in the examples.  Given that, the project will be completed post-move.  In the meantime, we have one of those glittery seek-and-find magic wands that I'll have Slim use for practice as I discuss the mind jar plans with him.

Above, I asked for me, but I also want to know what coping tools you've provided your children?  Have you used any of the three things on our list to try successfully?

I'm as Pretty as a Bug

Thank you, Old Navy circa 2005 - I DO <3 Mom!

Happy Mother's Day!

In honor of the day we celebrate the women who birthed us, adopted us, fostered us, but above all, made room in their hearts for us, I bring to you, "Why my Mom is Special" as dictated by Slim.

The bold part was pre-printed on the sheet and the rest was filled out by his teachers verbatim.  My thoughts follow in italics. 

"My Mom is special because she gets me what I like." Hmm, so it appears his love language is gifts.

"I like it when my Mom buys things at night."  Again with the buying stuff. And what does this even mean? Why at night?  We seldom go out at night.  Is that why it's special in his mind?

"My Mom is as pretty as a bug" A bug, huh?  I asked what that meant to him. He clarified that I am lovely like a ladybug or monarch butterfly.  I actually like that compliment!

"My Mom has a pretty smile! I like to make her smile by making a funny face." Now this one is true!  I was starting to think I didn't know my kid anymore because I couldn't predict any of his answers.  But this?  This I recognize and live daily.

"My Mom is smart! She even knows how to twirl on two legs." I'm smart y'all - I bet you can't twirl on two legs!

I am the sole parent for two more weeks.  This means I didn't get my number one Mother's Day wish, not to have to deal with anyone else's bodily functions or fluids.  Next year, R.  Of course, Curly will be done having accidents by then.  But you can get the cat litter.

Without the book in front of me, this is only a paraphrase, but motherhood, to me, is perfectly encapsulated at the end of the first Olivia storybook, when Olivia's mom says, "you wear me out, but I love you anyway."  My boys are joyous and kind and fascinating and loving ... except when they're not.  Argus McFargus, they can be tough stuff.  I reflected, this morning on the phone with R, how I think I'm a pretty good mother, so why aren't my sons, well, good-er?  The answer I came to is that we get the kids who most need us as parents.  Maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't flourish under any one else's care.  I don't know.  But it's reassuring nonetheless.  At the end of the day, I still know I'm as pretty as a bug.  Not everyone can say that.

There are no winners in the Mommy Wars

I've mentioned before that I breastfed my boys - Slim for 20 months and Curly for 25.  I loved nursing and I miss it and I am happy I was successful at doing what I set out to do.

I think support is crucial to a breastfeeding relationship. I was fortunate to have it in spades and chose to become a LLL Leader to be a source of support for others. I acknowledge LLL is not for everyone; these are volunteer mothers who have been through a rigorous training period, but they are people first. And sometimes people can be over the top. I've surrounded myself with Leaders and women who live the idea, "meet the mother where SHE is."  If you want to nurse for 6 weeks, 6 months, or one year and beyond, I want to support YOU in making that happen.

To all the women who have come to me with questions about getting your child to the breast, or nursing joys, or how to wean, I hope that I have fulfilled my goal (which is also LLL's) of providing mother to mother support.  If I have not been helpful or come across as judgemental, this was never my intent.  But if I did, will you please let me know?  I like constructive feedback - how else will I grow?

Breastfeeding made me a better mother, but it doesn't make me better than you.  It made me a better mother for my sons because it set me on a path of motherhood that worked for me. I know I just went nutso on the italics there, but I must be clear.  There is much too much mommy competition going on and that’s what I want to avoid.  In real life, I have friends who never breastfed and friends who did for varying lengths of time.  I would never, ever say to their face the mean and cutting things people say with the anonymity of the internet.  I don't say them online either.  There shouldn't be sides. It would be so much better if we could just compliment one another on not sending our kids running to therapy (yet), give a real or virtual pat on the back, and be on our merry way. 

Yet, the whole notion of opposing teams is perpetuated.  Case in point?

Photo credit: http://lightbox.time.com/2012/05/10/parenting/#1

Are you mom enough?  Really?  Way to imply there is one right way of parenting.  Well, there is, actually - the right one for you!
The divisiveness is driving me up a wall.  The Mommy Wars, childfree feminists versus feminist moms, Democrats and Republicans who refuse to cross the aisle ...  Seriously, I've had enough.  As we often encourage in LLL, "take what you like, and leave the rest." If you don't agree with a political position or a parenting philosophy or a feminist stance, just leave it! Don't wield your words to hurt your opposition. Even better, don't look at it as opposition, but rather a different point of view. Simple as that.  It should be, anyway.

In all of this, shame on Time for using a headline and a picture intended to stir controversy and create sides. Mothers are rightfully hurt by the implication they are not "mom enough" and AP supporters are frustrated at the misrepresentation of the parenting style that suited their family best.  Crummy mothers exist.  And what defines them as such? It isn't whether or not they breastfed or co-slept or used baby carriers. No, it is the ones who beat their kids or are verbally disdainful and resentful of the kid in front of the child. Those of us, the ones who love our kids and have bad days but are trying and always keep our family's best interests at heart - we are all mom enough!  

If you are seeking more validation of that sentiment, @MariaMelee compiled a list of tweets that proclaimed we are enough and mine was included!  Check out the blog to read how,

    

"Even when debates are manufactured and placed in front of us, it’s possible to rise above volleyed insults and defensiveness to recognize that we’re doing our best, and that the paths we choose are our right."

Do what works for your family.  Do it with love.  That's what matters.

Raising Ethical Children

I hope you're not reading this hoping for answers on how to raise ethical children because I have absolutely no clue. I'm just stumbling my way through parenthood.  But I have goals that I strive for as a mother.  And my biggest intention as a parent?  To raise intelligent, happy, well adjusted, and contributing members of society.

Thanks to my Mom and Gran, I have a soft spot for the British Royals.  As an American, I know little to nothing about how they are truly perceived and imagine a fair bit of press about them is propaganda.  However, I've admired how Princes William and Harry opted for military careers and continue involvement in charities like their mother.  The above photo is from a visit to a London homeless center.  I can't think of any American celebrity who has served in the military since WWII off the top of my head, can you?  And while some Hollywood stars are active in charity work, I don't know enough of their past to say whether that was a quality bestowed from their parents.  Princess Diana did well as a mother in this regard - her boys make a difference through their efforts. 

Frankly, I don't think I'll know if I'll have done as well until my boys are adults themselves.  The ways I try to instill this behavior is through living by example, taking advantage of teachable moments, and encouraging respect of the world and empathy for fellow people.  Which is great and all written out in mission statement-like form, but how?

I think kids (mine anyway) learn best through hands on involvement.  Hanukkah ends tonight, but it is a perfect example of how I utilize holidays to facilitate a volunteer attitude.  We incorporate tzedakah, a concept I talked about in my last post, in every holiday and try to too in everyday life.  Whenever gifts are received, as they are this time of year, we donate existing ones and talk about how some kids don't have any toys and it's great to give and make them smile.  And one of the eight nights is dedicated to giving back.  This year we are getting some items from Heartland SPCA's wishlist.  They want to give the animals who have yet to find a forever home toys to play with while they await their new owners. We've planned out a mini shopping spree at PetSmart tomorrow.  This is especially meaningful to Slim and Curly because they know we adopted Emmett from this very shelter. 

Which leads me to the next way I have managed some success - make a connection.  I know that I want to give money to organizations that mean something to me.  BzzAgent was generous and sent me a handwritten holiday card with a gift card to make a donation to a charity of my choice via JustGive.org.  What an amazing thank you idea, very pay it forward!  I searched the charities in the database (which seems limitless) and selected one that means a great deal to me: La Leche League, in honor of my former nurslings. Likewise, I see my guys more excited about volunteering when it means something to them.  They like to help when it has to do with other children, or animals, and for a while there, Slim was quite the Captain Planet - all eager to recycle and plant flowers and veggies, thanks to the school garden at his JCC Preschool in Florida. 

They genuinely do seem to care about other people.  I hope that the foundation I'm attempting to lay will also help them care about making the world a better place one kind action at a time.

What ways do you encourage responsible stewardship of the Earth and charitable actions towards people, animals, and places in your children?  I'd love to hear your success stories!

You're So Much Like Me. I'm Sorry

This post is a ramble about gender neutral parenting, my sons' personalities, and how I see me in them.  Not just Slim's hair or Curly's dimple, but in their walk and their talk.  Occasionally, when they wake in the morning, I sing a warbled, out of tune, modified, rise and shine version of Ben Folds' Still Fighting It:  "Good morning son.  I am your mom.  Wearing hospital pants for pjs.  You want a hug?  Maybe a kiss?  How about some pancakes for breakfast?  It's okay.  We're gonna have a great day.  I just can't wait!"  In the real version, there's a recurring line in the song, "And you're so much like me.  I'm sorry."  I love my children, flaws and all, but I sure wish that some of the flaws they have weren't inherited from me thanks to nature and nurture.  It's scary knowing how potentially harmful my influential traits might be.  Thankfully, they're not all me.  They're them.

Curly is physical and charming and one step away from disaster that he almost always manages to avert. I joke that he's smart enough to figure out how to get out of a situation he got himself into nine times out of ten, but it's the tenth time you have to watch out for! Thankfully, as his mother, who spends day in/day out with him, I am immune to his irrepressible, dimpled grin that defies discipline. This boy could likely be described as a mama's boy because he loves snuggling with me or winds up hiding behind my metaphorical skirts when he feels timid. However, he might just turn that hug into a wrestling move if you're not careful. I couldn't help but shake my head in embarrassment and resigned mirth as he tackled his brother to the ground. On the floor of the grocery store. While I was paying. He lives joyfully and he wants you to too.

Slim is intelligent and analytical in a way that outwits me and R - and I don't think we're at all dumb (even if motherhood has killed more brain cells than I'd care to admit.)  The kid is BIG TIME into dinosaurs .  He revels in the mud and dirt and sand, drawing pictures with his fingers in the transient medium, looking for creepy crawlies, often with a magnifying glass in hand.  He gravitates towards people in such a sincere, friendly way that I can't pull off.  Since we've moved,  Slim insists on introducing himself to everyone. And his spiel is, "Hi, I'm Slim. I'm a four year old. But on my next birthday, which is mumble mumble, not sharing his birth date here, mumble mumble, I'll be a five year old. We just moved here from Florida. Did you just move here too?" To ev-er-y-one!  I love how personable he is, but it is hard having an extroverted child when I'm so not.

And Slim's favorite color is pink.

And I've seen them both breastfeeding dolls.  Slim was convinced that he could make chocolate milk come out of his nipples when I was nursing Curly.

And Curly probably cleans better than I do.  I call him my little Danny Tanner because he is so adept at picking up.

Yeah, my son has a pink (and blue) butterfly on his face. But so what?  I didn’t encourage his face painting choice, but I didn't discourage it either.  In doing so, I showed Slim I honor him.  I showed Curly I honored him by asking if he wanted his face painted too and not forcing him when he shook his head vehemently.

When I talk to them about love and marriage and family, I frame it in gender neutral terms (except son.  Unless that changes one day in the future, right now, they are my sons.)  I tell them that I hope, one day, they find a partner who loves them and respects them.  That it's best to start a family with that kind of person.  Because who doesn't want that for their child?  A partner in life.  I don't care if that's a man or a woman or if Slim or Curly realize that they are transgender.  I. don't. care.  I want my kids to know that I love and support them and if I can set up that framework of love and support now, so that if they were to come out, they would feel safe to do so with me, all the better.

When we walk around Target or Toys R Us, I gently correct them when they say, "That's the girl toy aisle."  "You know guys, there's no such thing as toys that are just for girls or just for boys.  Boys can play with dolls and girls can play with cars."  People?  My sister is the reason that our younger brothers had a huge Matchbox car collection.  My brothers also played with our castoff Barbies.  After cutting off their hair and stripping them naked. 

When I was pregnant, we got Slim an older brother present of a toy stroller and baby carrier.  Because guess what?  Dads are nurturing too.  When Curly watches me put on makeup and asks for some, I indulge him by swiping my brush blush on his cheeks.  I'll admit, I say things like, "Not all men wear makeup" or "Other boys may not like a pink car for a gift", not to dampen their spirits, but to give them a little taste of the outside world from a trusted source.

I think they're going to be okay.  They're going to get hurt; not just physically, but emotionally.  They'll look back on childhood fondly (I hope), despite some bad memories.  There will be things people don't like about them.  But none of us are unscathed by Life.  And who they are?  As I described them to you today?  I reiterate - I think they're going to be okay.

Love

A short little post dedicated to a warm weather phenomenon.  Given that the temperatures in my part of the world have dropped from the 100s and 90s to the 70s and 60s this September, I don't imagine we'll be seeing him again until next year.

I'm talking about the ice cream man.

When we last heard the tell-tale melody announcing his arrival, the boys sprung up and out the door.  Slim did an amusing little dance on our lawn; he wanted to be sure he caught the driver's attention!

I remember when my Dad and I chased down the ice cream man for several blocks when I was around Slim's age.  Did we get into the car?  I'm not certain, but even 20-odd years later, a warm, fuzzy, loving feeling surrounds that particular memory.  One thing my parents taught me is that life is better when you have a good time - and bring others along for the ride!
The memories enhance this experience with my own children.

Getting an ice cream sandwich for the last time this season was the simplest of things.  But sometimes it feels good to show love simply.

In the land of make-believe

An apron makes a fantastic cape

I love watching the boys play pretend.  As a dear friend was kind enough to say about them, "we love Slim's and Curly's beautiful, unique and creative spirits."

Before we moved, Slim would hold a white piece of printer paper over his toy animals.  His narrative went like this:
"It's snowing!"  Seeing as though snow was how we sold him on the move, I wasn't surprised to see him incorporate the white stuff into his play.
Pointing to the animals under the paper, "this is Kansas City"
Indicating the floor, "out here it's Florida"

Curly is getting in on the fun too.  Lately he has enjoyed pretending he's one of the family members, be they of the fur or human persuasion.  Typically, the conversation involves his new sentence structures with the word because.  ("Curly, please put on your shoes/use an inside voice/stop kissing the cat ..."
An emphatic, "No"
"Why not?"
"Because no." 
Or, my favorite, "Curly, do you love Daddy?"
An emphatic, "Yes"
"Why?"
"Because because." :D) 
Just this morning, we were discussing names.  The boys have a long name, a nickname that they go by, familial nicknames like Slim and Curly, and a Hebrew name.  So I asked Curly if he was his long name.  I assumed he answered no because he was accustomed to going by his nickname and doesn't always associate himself with his long name.  But kids are always surprising you. "Because I Mommy and you Curly!" he replied with an impish grin.  We proceeded to pretend that I was indeed Curly and he got quite a kick out of my imitation of him.

When other children are using their imaginations simultaneously, it doesn't always go the way they want or I expect.  Earlier this week, we visited the Kansas City Zoo.  While there, we made a pit stop at the playground on site.  A little girl, who was around Slim's age, was as exuberant and outgoing as my guys and quickly engaged them both.  Although they had an overall fun time, the conflict came from each wanting to play a different way.  The girl wanted to pretend that the boys were the bad guys with guns and she was going to save the day and put them in jail.  Slim's imagination rarely puts him in the role of villain and despite having a pirate's and knight's foam sword, seldom does he make believe with weapons.  Instead of her scenario, Slim wanted to pretend they were acorns growing into tall, strong trees.  Admitedly different and not as fun, given that trees have the propensity to be rooted in one spot, not move around like active children.  Curly simply channeled Big Bird's temporary adoptive siblings, Donny and Marie Dodo, in that he only wanted to pretend to be himself.

I'll admit, part of the reason I'm a fan of imaginative play is because it's stimulating for me too.  I enjoy playing pretend with them just as much as I do sitting back and observing quietly.  Plus, the land of make-believe builds important skills necessary in adulthood, like confidence, problem solving, creative thinking, and healthy self-expression.  R and I are making a point to ensure their holiday gifts include some dress up clothes and other things that facilitate play for hours without structure or instructions.  This versatile cape is one of the items we've been eyeing.

What was your favorite thing to play pretend as a child?  And what has your child made believe recently?

Tampons Aren't Toys Boys

I never imagined I'd utter those words.  But that's one of the joys oddities of motherhood, I suppose.  And being a mom of boys?  I'm not one to put too much stock in gender roles, but I admit I wonder if I'd say the same things if I had girls.  Well, obviously they wouldn't have the same genitalia!  So, that'd be different.  Beyond that though, who knows?

The things that I've said recently:

- Only our pets lick our faces

- Your penis is not a hanger - get the ________ (fill in the blank here, usually a toy, sometimes a piece of food - Curly is a total nudist and likes to see if things will stay on it!) off it
- Don't take off your diaper just to pee/poop on the floor!

- Yogurt is not finger paint
- The water in the bath is not for drinking
- Don't lick it either!

And my two favorite recent stories:

- At bedtime last night, we got to discussing farts.  Don't ask me how it happened because I don't know.  What I do know is that I have an inner twelve year old boy and the day that farts and burps stop being funny is the day I will officially feel old.  So we're talking farts, when suddenly Curly farted intentionally and said, "Fart on Mama.  Ha ha."  Literally, the kid says, "Ha ha" when he's being funny or teasing.  I wasn't aware that two year olds could fart on purpose.  Or find it amusing to fart on someone.  Nothing better than ending your day laughing at bedtime!

- Thanks to coupons and sales, I had the chance to stock up on pads and tampons.  I got lots of the new U by Kotex.  I'm kinda meh on them, but that's not relevant to the story.  What is relevant is that they've attempted to make feminine products "discreet" (seriously, picture me heavily exaggerating the air quotes rather sarcastically) by making them bright and colorful.  They're really meant for first time and young period havers, hence the "fun" packaging.  Whatever.  Well, turns out the bright and colorful packaging is fun.  For little boys.  Who, because you no longer have a bathroom cabinet thanks to flooding, are able to easily access your toiletries that are temporarily stored in little buckets on the floor.  And apparently hot pink, neon green, mustard yellow, and electric blue tampons are supremely eye catching.  And once they are removed from the packaging?  Watch out!  A young kid will figure out how to depress the plunger and shoot their brother in the eye.  At which point I walk in (at what age can I leave them alone for five minutes without having to deal with things like this!?) and immediately yell, "tampons are not toys boys!"

I Run So I Don't Run Away

I wish I could take credit for the title, but it's a paraphrase of one of the shirts in the Run Like a Mother - the book store.  By the way, if you're ever inclined to get me a present, I'd happily accept any of the shirts from that store.  Or a running skirt.  Or the Bondi Band that sums up my relationship with running that reads, "I love running. I hate running.  I love running.  I hate running."

Running gives me a little bit of alone time, so I can better appreciate the time I do spend with my kids.  The endorphins from the runner's high help me coast through the day as a happier, more patient mom.  It's my sanity saver!

The next race I want to do is the Monadnock 5k while I'm in NH this summer.  I'm also considering having Slim participate in the fun run.  Both boys love to run and I want to do everything to encourage them along that path.

Here's the email response from one of the race directors.  I think it's pretty kickass!  A thoughtful and great race director makes for a fun race in my experience!

Awesome!  I am not sure if you have ever been here before, but it is a beautiful area to run a race.
At this point we plan on starting the 5K at the same time as the Half (9am).  This way we are done
before the hotter part of the day....although I know that is a relative term coming from Florida!
(It's 47 as I type this) 

We have people coming from 3 different time zones so it will be a good
sized, but fun race.  We really try to make it an overall great experience starting from the health
expo the night before, cheer stations during the race and a great finish line "party".  The medals and
t-shirts will be something you'll be proud to wear.

We haven't solidified the Fun Run time yet, but it wont be during the 5K.  We are thinking 8:30.  The
distance is still yet undetermined as well....but let me put it to you this way.  My co-director and I
are also parents (6  kids between the 2 families), ages 3-11.  They have all (except my youngest) have
participated in 5K's and fun runs of all types. SO, with that we will make sure that it is the proper
distance....and includes the proper Fun Factor.  (our wives wont let us make anything too long or
something that isn't fun)

I hope this helps and we look forward to seeing everyone here in Aug.  If you "friend" our race page
on Facebook, you can get some updates and inside info that we will not be releasing anywhere else.
Sincerely,
Chris Bernier

Already liked!  Now my friend, her sister-in-law and I just need to sign up. 

I'm also planning my next half marathon.  Any suggestions for ones I should check out?

And, in case you weren't aware, today is National Running Day, so get out there.  I'll be on the treadmill since I'm a temporary single mom the next several weeks, but I'll be running!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things (Blog Edition)

I'll label these fitness blogs, but it's mostly running
in no particular order

Someday, I'll have an attractive picture of me running!

52 Beginnings - running 52 marathons in one year for charity

Running Diva Mom - a runner mommy who loves Bondi Bands just like me!

Journey to the Middle - running and weight loss

Endurance Isn't Only Physical - running and weight loss also. She used to live in FL, now lives in TX

Tall Mom on the Run - inspiring runner and running coach

Skinny Runner - funny writer, celebrity pictures, guest posts, great stuff

Another Mother Runner - the blog for Run Like a Mother, the book

Racing with Babes - awesome runner mommy getting her three girls to love running too!

The Shredheads - it all started with Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred ...

Gabby Reece Honeyline - fantastic circuit workouts

Mommies are people too and their blogs can be political, cute, both or neither

My babywearing days are behind me :(

The Artful Parent - creative and beautiful craft ideas for kids and the kid in you

The Crazy Baby Mama - found her on Kveller, which leads me to:

Kveller - a Jewish twist on parenting

Code Name: Mama - a non-judgemental natural parenting resource

The Feminist Breeder - being a mom doesn't mean you can't also be a feminist

Sustainable Mothering - a Philadelphia area lawyer looks at laws and policies that affect women

Cooking With My Kid - get the kids involved in cooking and they'll be more likely to eat their creations

Science at Home - science for the littles

Fiscally sensible blogs



What?  It's not like I have pictures of me spending money!



Southern Savers - savings ideas and deals for stores found in the South

I Heart Publix - matchups to where I do most of my shopping, saves me time and money!

Couponing to Disney - my favorite part is the 5 a Day, check it out!

If you have a blog you'd like to share or think there's one I ought to be following, please link it in the comments!