There are no winners in the Mommy Wars

I've mentioned before that I breastfed my boys - Slim for 20 months and Curly for 25.  I loved nursing and I miss it and I am happy I was successful at doing what I set out to do.

I think support is crucial to a breastfeeding relationship. I was fortunate to have it in spades and chose to become a LLL Leader to be a source of support for others. I acknowledge LLL is not for everyone; these are volunteer mothers who have been through a rigorous training period, but they are people first. And sometimes people can be over the top. I've surrounded myself with Leaders and women who live the idea, "meet the mother where SHE is."  If you want to nurse for 6 weeks, 6 months, or one year and beyond, I want to support YOU in making that happen.

To all the women who have come to me with questions about getting your child to the breast, or nursing joys, or how to wean, I hope that I have fulfilled my goal (which is also LLL's) of providing mother to mother support.  If I have not been helpful or come across as judgemental, this was never my intent.  But if I did, will you please let me know?  I like constructive feedback - how else will I grow?

Breastfeeding made me a better mother, but it doesn't make me better than you.  It made me a better mother for my sons because it set me on a path of motherhood that worked for me. I know I just went nutso on the italics there, but I must be clear.  There is much too much mommy competition going on and that’s what I want to avoid.  In real life, I have friends who never breastfed and friends who did for varying lengths of time.  I would never, ever say to their face the mean and cutting things people say with the anonymity of the internet.  I don't say them online either.  There shouldn't be sides. It would be so much better if we could just compliment one another on not sending our kids running to therapy (yet), give a real or virtual pat on the back, and be on our merry way. 

Yet, the whole notion of opposing teams is perpetuated.  Case in point?

Photo credit: http://lightbox.time.com/2012/05/10/parenting/#1

Are you mom enough?  Really?  Way to imply there is one right way of parenting.  Well, there is, actually - the right one for you!
The divisiveness is driving me up a wall.  The Mommy Wars, childfree feminists versus feminist moms, Democrats and Republicans who refuse to cross the aisle ...  Seriously, I've had enough.  As we often encourage in LLL, "take what you like, and leave the rest." If you don't agree with a political position or a parenting philosophy or a feminist stance, just leave it! Don't wield your words to hurt your opposition. Even better, don't look at it as opposition, but rather a different point of view. Simple as that.  It should be, anyway.

In all of this, shame on Time for using a headline and a picture intended to stir controversy and create sides. Mothers are rightfully hurt by the implication they are not "mom enough" and AP supporters are frustrated at the misrepresentation of the parenting style that suited their family best.  Crummy mothers exist.  And what defines them as such? It isn't whether or not they breastfed or co-slept or used baby carriers. No, it is the ones who beat their kids or are verbally disdainful and resentful of the kid in front of the child. Those of us, the ones who love our kids and have bad days but are trying and always keep our family's best interests at heart - we are all mom enough!  

If you are seeking more validation of that sentiment, @MariaMelee compiled a list of tweets that proclaimed we are enough and mine was included!  Check out the blog to read how,

    

"Even when debates are manufactured and placed in front of us, it’s possible to rise above volleyed insults and defensiveness to recognize that we’re doing our best, and that the paths we choose are our right."

Do what works for your family.  Do it with love.  That's what matters.

Wordless Wednesday: RIP Maurice Sendak

In the wake of Maurice Sendak's death, this picture made the rounds and was attributed as one of his illustrations from 1947

Another Trip Around the Sun Completed

It's my birthday, I'll play Jimmy Buffet if I want to!

I am now 32.

Source: http://www.loc.gov/rr/print/list/128_migm.html

This is one of a series of pictures taken by Dorethea Lange that culminated in the famous portrait, Migrant Mother.  Florence Owens Thompson is the iconic mother.  She was 32 when the photo was taken.  She is so beautiful to me.  We all wear our age differently.  I have smile lines around my mouth and eyes, but also true wrinkles thanks to my dumbass years tanning outside and in tanning booths.  I look tired a lot since becoming a mom.  I have stretch marks from my pregnancies and from gaining and losing weight and growing taller, starting at puberty.  I haven't managed any new scars in a long time, physical or emotional, but I still nick myself shaving after twenty years practice.  Every mark is a memory.  I am beautiful too.

Between a move to my hometown, a job possibility I am pursuing, continuing my first year as a La Leche League Leader, and anticipating my second half marathon, my 32nd year looks promising.

Inspiring Playgrounds

I hope you like The Playground Series.  I have several blogs backlogged for the series, even if you don't!

The boys and I have been having fun exploring parks throughout Johnson County.  Does it sound like there's a "but" there?  That's sort of because there is.  It's been good to get outside and play and check out all the parks in the area, but the play equipment all starts looking the same after a while.  In fact, some of the playground structures are virtually identical, just set up in different parks.

To break the monotony and give myself some eye candy, I went on an internet search for unique playgrounds.  I'm sharing the highlights with you!

Flavorwire put together a list of 15 amazing playgrounds from all over the world.  These three really struck my fancy!

The Blue Whale in Plikta park, Gothenburg, Sweden. Designed by Monstrum.

Reenacting the story of Jonah.  Or Pinocchio.  The whale's "baleen" teeth are so clever.

The Forest of Cherry Blossoms at Moerenuma Park, Hokkaido, Japan. Designed by Isamu Noguchi. [Photos via]

Playground as modern art.  Or modern art as playground?

Woods of Net in Hakone, Japan. Designed by Toshiko Horiuchi Macadam. [Photo via]

It looks like someone yarn-bombed the park.  Beautiful.

KaBOOM!, the national nonprofit dedicated to saving play for America’s children, showcases a ton of cool playgrounds on their blog. 

They give some answers to the question, what sets a playground above the rest?

Imagination Playground is a playground in a box and lets children build their own playground structures.

It looks straight out of the minds of Tim Burton or Dr. Seuss, Landal Miggelenberg in the Netherlands is the kind of playground I wish we had more of in the United States.

The play ship at Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Playground invites imaginative play.  When you click through to additional pictures, there's something very reminiscent of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys about it all.

I still love playgrounds.  My guys definitely love them.  I'm not burnt out on them - that would take a lot!  I just wish for more innovation and visual appeal.  Look for my upcoming post on Black Hoof Park, a playground in the area that delivers well on the first and the location adds to the second.

My First Marathon!

Source: Uploaded by user via Kelly @ on Pinterest

It's not what you think.  I'm not running 26.2 miles at once.  I don't know if I ever will.  When I'm in ideal running shape, my happy distance is between 7-10 miles.  Completing my first, and so far only, half marathon was challenging.  And because I experienced debilitating calf cramps, I didn't run the whole thing - I finished the last couple miles with a run/walk combo, heavy on the walk.

Joggermom organizes a virtual race, the Joggermom Marathon that I'm doing, starting today.  Participatants run 26.2 miles in the month of May.  That's less than 1 mile per day.  I may not be at goal weight or top fitness level right now, but I can do that!

The prize list isn't limited to the fastest.  That's not what the Joggermom Marathon is about.  All those who complete the 26.2 miles and follow the mileage tracking and photo evidence requirements are eligible to win one of five jogging strollers amongst other goodies from great sponsors.  Winners will be chosen through Random.org.

I will be sure to update with my progress throughout the month!

Hill's Science Diet Ideal Balance Cat food

It's been a few months since I've had the chance to try any products with BzzAgent.  To catch everyone up to speed, I'm a BzzAgent, which means I share information, receive products or test services, and provide my opinion, good, bad, or indifferent.

R and I often joke that we are the proud and crazy owners of a zoo.  We have two kids, two dogs, and three cats.

How sad that the only decent picture we've managed to get of all three is from a camera phone!
Atticus, Finn (Finnegan), Livvy (Olivia)

Every single one of our pets were from a rescue and they are all spayed or neutered.  We adopted Finn and Atticus as kittens in late Spring of 2008.  Olivia was an impulse rescue - R has always wanted a Siamese cat.  She was estimated to be one years old when we adopted her in Spring of 2011; she had been abandoned in a trailer and left to fend for herself.  That gets important later.

Although I admit that we are indeed over the top to have so many animals in our home, I wouldn't change a thing.  Take the cats (and no, I don't mean that like, "take the cats ... please") for instance:  Atticus is my cat.  He shies from the boys and guests, but no matter when I set my head on my pillow or hop on the computer, he comes out of hiding to curl next to me.  Finn is the ideal cat for someone who only ever had dogs before.  Like me.  He is such a dogcat and something of an attention whore.  It doesn't matter who walks in the door, he wants on their lap and to lick them.  My sweet Livvy girl can be occasionally aloof, but is the best with children of all three.  As the smallest of the cats and the one who not only tolerates but seemingly loves Slim and Curly, she is the only one I allow them to carry (after having taught the appropriate way to pick her up, of course.)  I love watching the kids interact with our pets and how the animals all take to them in different ways (sometimes just snuggling together in bed, as the children sleep.)  My life is richer for having so many, with fur and without, with which to share.

Before I get to the review, pictures. 

Very newly home.

About a week into having them and they already looked so much older.  From the time they were brought into the shelter, they had nasty ear stuff going which, thankfully, never recurred once we got it cleared up.

Poor thing was so skinny when we adopted her.

 Finn has grown to be a big boy. 

Atticus thinks the tops of kitchen cabinets and underneath beds make the best out of the way, hiding spots.

Livvy, with her bright blue eyes, usually has this weird cat shiny laser eye/red eye effect in pictures, making this one, where it didn't happen, my favorite by default.

When last I reviewed a pet food for BzzAgent, I questioned the price and ingredients.  Those remain my concerns this round too.

I started the Hill's Science Diet Ideal Balance BzzCampaign about two weeks after R was laid off.  I felt incredibly thankful to have the cats try out a 3.5 pound free bag of cat food.

There have been some fantastic benefits in the pro list:

• In the time I've been feeding them Hill's Science Diet Ideal Balance cat food, there have been no hair ball incidents.  Correlation does not imply causation, but if they are related, that's stellar in my books.
• The first ingredient is chicken, which is important because a "cat cannot sustain its life unless it consumes meat in some form"
• No corn or artificial colors in the bag I received, though there were whole grains. There is also a Hill's Science Diet Ideal Balance Grain Free cat food. 

The drawbacks however:

• Price. Petfooddirect.com sells the 15 pound bag for $43.99.
• Whole grains are an ingredient; they serve as filler and are not suitable for a cat's dietary needs.
• Goodguide.com ranks most of the ingredients as desirable, but the fruits and veggies Science Diet touts are listed as less desirable.  This makes sense given that cats are primarily carnivorous.
• It is supposed to be an easy open, resealable bag.  I felt like a moron, but I could not open this bag.  I wound up having to cut it with a knife, negating the reseal.

What did the cats think?

Finn, Atticus, and Livvy loved the food.  Frankly though, this is unsurprising knowing them.  Olivia, from her time as a stray, has eaten off our plates before (NOT with our permission, but sneakily stealing bites) and will pretty much eat anything.  We have fed them wet food, dry food and a combination thereof.  They have never had issues switching to a new food, as far as finding it repellent.  There have been occasions that they ate a new food too quickly or it disagreed with them and we had to deal with some cat throw up.  None of those issues occurred with the Science Diet. 

Will we feed it to them again?

I'm not sure.  R has a new job now, so our money concerns aren't like they were when he was unemployed, but we do have three cats to feed and the price adds up.  I'd love to find a pet food with an ingredient list I approve at a price point my budget can handle.  As it is, I prefer not to compromise the quality the humans in our family eat, whereas I'm okay to compromise on what the animals eat.

If you are wondering what to feed your feline friend, About.com has a helpful article with tips for choosing a cat food.

Temporary Single Mom

Since May 2011, I have been the sole parent living at home with our sons for what will total around four months.  Right now, the kiddos and I stayed put, letting Slim finish his prekindergarten year, while R moved ahead to Pennsylvania.  And his job brought him out to Kansas before we left Florida last year.  When you add up all the time that R was traveling since we joined him in the Midwest and his work kept him away so that he was usually only around for bits of weekends, it's even more than that.  It's two different challenges: he's missed out on over a half year of their lives and I have been alone with them.

I have come to appreciate single parents so very, very much.

My status as a temporary single mother is just that - temporary.  It is trite and I loathe hearing it, but there is an end to it all and we will be a family again.  The hated platitude has truth. Our family of four and a family with our parents, the kids' grandparents, living in the same town, awaits!  We've never had that. 

As I consider the upsides of this move, little things, like the ability to list the grandparents on the school emergency contact list, rather than an acquaintance met through a mom's group that intuition (fortunately) correctly predicted as a friend (oh yeah, I did that when we moved here around school start time), rank highly. 

In the meantime, the end is not here and, when living through it, does not feel near.  I have to be the one responsible for two kids, five pets, and one whole house.  I can't have that bottle of wine I'm desperate for because, again, I have to be the responsible one.  When one of the boys or one of the dogs needs to pee in the middle of the night?  I'm the one that gets up with them.  When one or all of the cats starts the hungry fidgeting as I'm clinging to sleep?  I'm the one who tries to ignore them and fails when I can't get back to cozy dreamland.  When the house gets messy?  I'm the one who leaves a lot of the mess for another day because I'm so damn tired and wind up creating more work for myself. 

Thank goodness for increasing responsibility, thoughtful friends, and coffee!  Slim and Curly grow more capable all the time, to the point that I need to remind myself that they can do more than what I ask of them and let them do.  The generous women who I am so pleased to call my friends, here and in Florida, are and were eager to ease my load when I am and have been by myself for months.  And Starbucks and Keurig might as well sponsor me on this journey.

I need a nap.  I need time to run outside, instead of on a treadmill.  I need to start off with just a glass out of the bottle of wine that I want; I imagine I'm a quick drunk right now.  I need reassurance that I'm not messing my boys up forever since I yell more and let them watch more television than I would if I had my husband, their dad, as a partner in life and parenthood with me in the house, rather than hours, states, and a timezone away.    I really need to set aside my negative emotions and soak up the time I have left in Kansas - yes, I want the moving process over with, but not at the expense of wishing away time spent with great people and in a part of the country I've come to love quite a bit.

I'm not perfect.  I reckon (shut up, I've had Firefly on the brain lately, which may make me more or maybe less perfect in your eyes) you aren't either.  How do you make the most of your life during hard times?